Within the next few months, a snack-food called MoonyBites is going to be released in stores nationwide. If you're smart, you will stay the hell away from it.
I'm not sure exactly when, but within the next few months there will be a mass-release of a sugary junk-food product called MoonyBites. You'll probably start to see the ads sometime in late November, early December, but it's possible that they may be released quietly at an earlier date – after all, Halloween is right around the corner, and what better holiday is there to serve candy?
I am employed by the marketing firm that was hired to help advertise this product. We're not a large firm by any means, and the the company that hired us did so because they want to keep this on the down-low. This company that is producing MoonyBites is not well-known at all, but they're incredibly well-funded and the execs I've talked with are all very confident in what they're doing.
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The snack is fudge chocolate with a white chocolate coating. It's made to resemble lunar rocks. I cut one in half in the photo so you can see the way it's layered.
Everything about this product is fucking evil. The company producing it – MoonyFood – doesn't have a single friendly person in its staff. They seem to hardly want to speak about anything except for MoonyBites – if merely the name comes up, they get super-excited and will talk your ear off about how great it's going to be. Anything other topic of conversation they couldn't possibly give a shit about; sometimes, they won't even respond to anything but their stupid junk food. They are complete assholes with disregard for anyone who isn't them.
So, at the risk of my own job and possibly safety, I'm coming forward to blow up their spot: MoonyBites are not just bad for you in the conventional sense, they are potentially lethal and I don't think they're made with ingredients from this planet.
Why do I think this? Well, let me tell you about Josh Morris. Some of you may already know of him, but to those who don't: Josh was the creator and star of the YouTube channel JoshMorrisEats, which no longer exists thanks to MoonyFood and their fucking MoonyBites. The channel was basically made up of humorous videos featuring Josh eating different snacks and "reviewing" them, mostly newer or weirder products for entertainment value. It wasn't a particularly popular channel, but it did have a few dozen-thousand subscribers.
MoonyFood thought that exposing their oh-so-perfect product to the Internet would be a fantastic idea, and asked our firm to get into contact with Morris for them. They would send him a sample, and he'd try it and review it positively on his channel in exchange for compensation.
Morris was pretty thrilled when we contacted him and immediately accepted the offer, so MoonyFood sent him the sample for review. The review went up a few days later with Josh eating the entire bag of the snacks and praising it up and down. The video got quite a few thousand views, general interest in the comments section, everyone was happy.
The next day, we get a call from Josh. He was freaking out, asking what was wrong with the MoonyBites, telling us they were making him super-sick. So my supervisor gave him the contact info for MoonyFood. Josh swore to us that he was going to make a new video badmouthing the ever-loving shit out of the snack.
