Last Night (Shoey Smut)

It was a rough few months. The absence of Shane’s presence really did affect me, and there were countless times I caught myself watching our old videos, as if it would bring me closer to him. March 18 was probably the worst day – the dream about us was too real until I realized it was in fact, a memory. Being proud of someone is a good feeling, and I was definitely proud of Shane with all the hard work he was putting into his movie, but when he told me it would be good for both to take a break of our hidden affair, it didn’t felt so right anymore.

I knew all along he loved Lisa, but I knew he felt something for me too, otherwise, why would he risk being caught so many times sharing kisses even in the living room of his house if he didn’t feel something bigger than just attraction? So, April 4 – 10:00pm,when I opened my door and he was there, I had all reasons to be shocked, and even hesitant. And when he smiled at me warmly, I felt all my muscles tensing up, because I didn’t realize I missed him so badly until that moment. I kind of knew after our exchange of tweets and all those Shoey shippers doing their job of fangirling over us that we would communicate again, I just didn’t know it would be that soon – and honestly, I wasn’t ready.

“Joey…” He looked at me warily yet, never breaking the eye contact I was missing for so long. “I’m sorry I left you. I just can’t deal with a change right now” He confessed softly leaning on the door behind him and lowering his gaze to his feet, probably because the disappointment in my eyes was clear like water and I couldn’t help but leave it like that because he deserved to know how awfully he had hurt me, and having him in front of me, vulnerable as I’ve never seen before, made everything way more realistic when I wanted this moment to be only one more petty nightmare, but the delusion burning in my tongue was too real and the difficulty to breathe was too strong to even pretend it was a mere dream.

“It’s okay… I understand. Do you need me to,” I paused, but after a deep breath and gathering some courage I finally ended up my sentence. “Stay away from you?” I asked hesitantly, feeling the familiar pain grow in my chest and it actually hurt from inside out, my heart was beating fast and I could perfectly hear it crumbling as the regret hit me like a wave in a troubled sea.

And when his green eyes widened slightly – ironically greener that night, as if they were made to only hypnotize me – and the feeling they were trying to show was too complicated for me to understand as he bluntly started to walk in my direction getting uncomfortably close, yet I didn’t move because I was too lost in my own river of sorrow, I completely lost any traces of sanity – if I had it before.

“No, that’s not what I said” He whispered and I sighed deeply, looking anywhere aside from his eyes, because I didn’t want to breakdown in front of him like I was shamefully doing inside me, and when I took time to understand what he said, I took a step backwards and ran my fingers through my hair.

“But, what are you trying to tell me? I can’t be your secret forever” I cried out, feeling the tears staring to gather in the corners of my eyes, blinking repeatedly to set them free, because I was too tired to hold it all back.

He bit his lip and shook his head, taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around my waist and I melted under his touch because I missed it so madly and I had every right to let myself take the moment before it was too late.

“Just stay with me, yes?” He whispered and I looked into his eyes and nodded – completely mesmerized with the way the colors danced inside them and the green and the blue intertwining flawlessly – unable to say anything else. Shoot, I was even unable to move even if I wanted to, because he had an indescribable power over me.

He smirked when he realized I was completely and utterly on his hands and finally closed the gap between us and kissing me. Goodness, I couldn’t believe I managed to stay so long without his lips against mine; it was a heaven’s gift and I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. He forced his tongue against my lips and I gladly let it in, and what was a sweet peck on the lips became suddenly passionate and urgent – which scared the freak out of me, but I f*cking didn’t care.