At lunch, I have nobody. I have no one to proudly call a friend, or even anyone to say hello to in a perky manner. I don't care to see anyone. It's my time that was given to me, so I use it how I'd like. I wander and wander and circle around the same room for minutes at a time, but somehow I always end up in the bathroom. With my lunch.
Maybe I do eat the homemade turkey sandwich that's stuffed with cheese and dressing. Maybe I do eat the bag of chips that's really meant for 2 people. Some days, I tell myself no, and it ends up in one of the trash cans. Some days, it happens, and I just starve.
Other days, I shove that sandwich down my throat and I make sure I eat every last speck of a chip that I see in the bag. I chew and I swallow and I make sure it goes into my stomach, because truly, I am hungry. I'm hungry from all of the days I threw my lunch away and fed my dinner to the dog from under the table. So I eat and I get full and my stomach stops with all of the grumbling noises for a little while. I sit on the toilet, thinking about how content I am, happy that I had a meal for once. But then I feel the regret. The remorse and the utter disgust washes over me with a power greater than that of a tsunami. I sit, I cry, and I decide that this food can't stay inside of me and make me fat any longer. I shove my fingers down my throat and I don't stop until all of the food is gone.
I do it later, when I get home. I do it when I take a shower, and after my parents have gone to bed, and any time that I can find to myself. So I step on the scale at the end of every night with a smile on my face, the numbers dropping slowly and with ease.
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Never In A Million Years
Ficção AdolescenteI'm that girl. The one who tries so hard to be noticed, but not just by someone, by anyone. I'm the one who can never keep the same personality for a day. The one who sports baggy sweatpants and hoodies for one week, then dresses like a princess the...
