unwritten [kth]

piece #6

we met today. at first i intentionally avoided eye contact with you because that's what you do with me when we're both in fe*. then i realized we were with our old high school friends so it was perfectly fine for us to look eye to eye. so i did.

you wore the same smile you did when we were in high school. bright, light, as if the trace of burden was gone from your face. maybe i was a fool to think it was, to think that you were the same person as you had been four years ago.

you also noticed my shoes today. i have been wearing it for four months already but you only noticed it today. i didn't know you were that dense and i was genuinely surprised when you asked me whether my shoes were new. were you really asking me, or just making small talk because we had nothing to talk about?

you leaned your head close to mine today, to ask about my brother's choir competition cancelation. there was genuine curiosity in your voice, and i wondered for a second whether you cared. my head was spinning, because your voice was as close as it had been four years ago. i almost leaned away.

you became quiet in the car. i didn't know if it was because you were tired, but your voice got so low i could barely hear you. there was a trace of lethargy in the way you carried out your words, and i didn't know if it was because of the topic i brought out or because it was me talking to you. maybe it was the latter.

when i got out of the car, i avoided looking at your eyes yet again. because i was afraid that if i did, i would see how tired you were talking to me, how much you wanted to stop doing it. it would pain my heart, so i turned around and didn't look back.

i wish i can do the same to our memories.

———

sunday, july 30th 2017. 1.44 am.

*fe: faculty of economics.

a/n: i wrote this in 13 minutes wow