Someone Like You n.h.

Chapter 31

Niall Horan:

Who was I kidding? She was always going to run off with Connor. If I had kissed her up on that bridge, she would have just pushed me away. Maybe she truly does hate me like she always says she does. I know she said she didn’t, but it almost seemed hesitant like she wasn’t sure. What if she only said it so that I would be nice to her again?  The only way I would have been able to know for certain was if I had kissed her, but her stupid boyfriend had to show up and ruin everything.

He had to show and give her exactly what she wanted. I couldn’t even stay and watch it all happen. I didn’t get paid, and I didn’t get the girl. I didn’t get anything. All that was left for Nialler was disappointment. Why can’t I find a girl who will love me? Why can’t I find a girl who will stay with me? Why do I always get the crappy end of the deal?

I just kinda wish I never laid eyes on her. I wish she hadn’t walked into my pub that day. I wish I hadn’t offered to take her to Dublin. I should have left her to figure it out on her own. I should have told myself that it’s not my problem that she needed to get to Dublin. At least one good thing came out of this, I got my grandmothers ring back, although, there’s no point. I will never fulfill her wish. I will never find someone that is worthy enough to wear this ring.

** ** **

It’s been a week since I’ve been back in Crookhaven. I’ve tried multiple times to get my mind on the situation at hand, but all I keep going back to is Amy.

I haven’t been able to raise all of the money I owe. Today is the last day I could pay the guys back. I know it seems idiotic of me to have left that day without getting my money and maybe it may even be idiotic for me to be spending all of my time thinking of her rather than how to save my pub, but there’s absolutely nothing I could do about that. She’s on my mind like a child who cannot get their minds off of their birthday or Christmas presents. They want to open their gifts just as much as I wish I could have her here with me. Wanting Amy is just a give, and at this point, I have no idea what I should do.

It feels like I’ve lost all sense of control. I cannot function now. I cannot think about anything. It’s like I don’t have control over my thoughts as well. As much as I try, I can’t get past the fact that she is gone, and all these thoughts about her are beginning to take their toll.

For some reason, it seems like I’m walking on broken glass. It’s like she’s taken all I’ve got with her and then she just simply threw it all away when she saw Connor again. It’s like everything we went through was thrown down the drain. She just stomped over it all and threw it all away, leaving me to feel like shit. I feel like a hangover that doesn’t want to pass, and trust me a never ending hangover would be terrible, especially for someone like me.

The thing that makes me seem the most idiotic though is that the thought ‘maybe this would work out’ crossed my mind. Nothing is meant to work out that way. Nothing is ever built to last. You would think I would know that coming from a broken family like mine.  

I don’t know why I expected so much from this when this didn’t even exist. There was never a 'this'. There was never anything going on between us. And I guess whatever I thought could be was all in my head. I guess that all that I was willing to give to her was because of something that I made up in my head. She never felt anything for me. This was all in my head. And there is nothing I could do about these feelings I have now.

“Hey Niall, I brought a couple of people that might be able to help out with your erm money situation.” One of my regulars mentioned as he walked through the door pulling me out of my thoughts.

I was expecting one or two people walking through the door, but to my surprise, there was many more people walking in. There were more people walking in than the entire population of Crookhaven.

“Where did you find all these people?”

“Well I called up the boys, and then we all called up everyone we know in the town and in the surrounding towns. We let them know that you were in need of help. And everyone knows that you don’t ever ask for help, but you’re always around to help. You’ve done things for everyone here in the past couple of years, and now we would like to take this time to help you out. So here we are.”

So maybe there is hope.