How not to die-50 tips or so

Chapter 2-lockers

2-Slamming your head in a locker door can break your skull and cause interior brain bleed. And die. I wonder what I did?

I groan and hold my head. I swear, the locker door just expanded out and hit me. I pick up the books that I dropped to see my friend Alison standing next to me and laughing.

"I think my brain is bleeding," I moan.

"Right, and I'm King Kong," Alison says. "You never get hurt. Well, permanently, anyway."

"Thanks for your concern," I glare at her.

"Oh please, you know it's true," she says, starting to walk in the direction of homeroom. I scurry along behind her.

We walk into homeroom a good five minutes early and take a seat in the back. I pull out my math homework that I have chosen not to do once again and finally get to work on it. Alison, or Miss Goody Two Shoes, as I refer to her, had completed her homework within an hour of getting out of school, so she pulls out a book.

I have half of the ridiculously simple assignment completed before Mrs. Johnson, our English teacher and "homeroom protector," steps into the room. She is referred to as homeroom protector due to the sign she hangs on her whiteboard every morning. It has a knight in shining armor on it, and it says "I'll protect you!" in big letters. She also calls the jocks princesses, which amuses the rest of us to no end.

When I finish the assignment, I pull out my sketchbook and pencils. Alison and Megan, who is another one of my friends, say that it's dangerous for me to have pointy objects, but so far I haven't impaled myself. So far.

**************

After a day of classes where I did an amazing job of learning little and retaining none, I get on the bus to go to Megan's house.

Megan is as sweet and shy as Alison is loud and sarcastic, and her room reflects that. The beds are made, and the floor is clean; the entire room is either lavender or a deep blue. As an only child, her room is hers alone.

We sit on the floor and do our homework, which I find as boring as it gets. Soon I am sprawled across the floor, army crawling around the other two in circles.

"Shia! Cut it out, or you'll make me dizzy," Alison complains.

"I'll cut it out when you either do something interesting or get a boyfriend," I say.

"Ugh, fine. What do you want to do?" Megan asks.

"Get kidnapped and find out way back, preferably with magic," I say. "But I'll settle for ice cream."

"You are the single most obnoxious person I know," Alison says.

"How well do you know yourself?" I chirp back.

"Vinnie's or DQ?" Megan interjects.

"Vinnie's!" I shout.

I try to march out the door, but manage to snag my feet on the carpet and come crashing to the ground. The two help me up, but not before laughing at my own expense. Megan drives us to Vinnie's.

"Oh my god, he's here!" Alison whispers.

"Who, Slenderman?" I ask.

"No, him!" she says, pointing to Alex, an athletic, attractive jerk who happens to be the most popular guy in our grade.

"Close enough," I shrug. I turn to Megan, who is similarly sighing over his charm. I facepalm, then look up to see him walking towards us, so I facepalm again.

"Hey, Shia," he says. Alison pokes me in the arm to say 'see! Isn't he sweet?' Or 'omg he's talking to you!' Or something along the lines of that.

"Hi," I say, ignoring Alison as she continues to poke me. "Wanna buy me ice cream? I'm hungry and Megan is mean to me."

"Hey!" she objects. "You eat everything!!! It's not a cheap habit to consistently pay for," she points out.

"PotAto, potAHto," I dismiss her comments. "So, food?" I ask Alex.

He laughs, and Alison pokes me so hard I think I'll have a bruise for weeks. "Sure, how about a two-scoop? Strawberry?" he asks. I should probably also mention that, while Alison and Megan only get the chance to gaze from afar, I've known him since I was two, and he likes my sister.

"Bingo," I say. A minute or so later, he comes back with my cone of deliciousness.

"Yeah, the usual, I know," I say. "I'll put in a good word with Meggie." He gives me a thumbs up and walks away.

"He just bought you ice cream!" Alison finally stops poking my arm long enough to whisper excitedly.

"No dip!" I say. "He likes Meggie."

She carries on, oblivious. "I am officially jealous."

AN: please point out typos and/or random stuff my autocorrect has done. It happens. Also, if you comment I will love you forever! (CommentShark doesn't count because she comments on everything!)