Personal Poems

Get me a jacket

Get me a jacket, please, I feel cold.

I look through my closet at all of my jackets, sweaters, and sweatshirts. I see a few that remind me of someone I used to know.

Get me a jacket, but not one infested with memory. Get me a jacket, but not one that smells of cologne I used to adore the scent of.
Not one that I used to wear when I missed you or I needed a hug from you and you were too far away to give me one.
I need one that is quite basic and I have only ever used it for it's intended purpose.
One that I love, that I could love, but I wouldn't attach any significant meaning to, whether that meaning is attached now or has been attached.
Because I can't wear the clothes you left for me - not without remembering you and I don't want to remember you.
At least . . . Not right now. Because right now, I can almost fool myself into thinking that I was ridiculous for leaving you, that I was just looking for a change in my life and that was the only thing I knew I could change.
I could almost, ALMOST, fool myself into believing that life was better with you and that I was not justified in my reasoning for ending our relationship.

But I can't.

I have several reasons for doing what I did and I still have just as many for needing and keeping my distance.

So I can't and I won't go back.

Because we're different people now and that was a different time.

And no matter how much you've indirectly hurt me, I still appreciate the relationship because it's made me realize what I need to do to grow and what I might like in a person and romantic relationship.