Through the Storm

Chapter 3

Tracy was nervous and scared. She had never been this nervous in her whole entire life, well except for her wedding day. On her wedding day she was scared to death that she would trip while walking to the alter – or any other embarrassing thing that can happen at a wedding. She didn’t want to do this; she wanted Rick to turn the car around and take her back home or to Shannon’s house.

                Rick looked at her – probably knowing that she was scared – and grabbed her hand and then kissed it. He always had a way of calming her down. But for some reason, she had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to.

                “Tracy, no matter what happens today we’ll get through it together. You know that, right?”

                 She looked at him and said, “Yes, I know,” and then she turned her head, sighed and looked out the window. “I know,” she whispered.

                About ten minutes later, they were there. In Dr. Luis’s office. She was dreading this; she didn’t want to be here. She didn’t realize she was shaking until Rick put his arms around her.

                “It’s going to be O.K., Trace. I promise,” he whispered. She nodded her head. But for some reason she didn’t believe him. She couldn’t believe him. Because what if it wasn’t okay?

                Lord, please be with me. Please let everything be okay. Lord, please calm my nerves. Please, please, let everything be okay, Lord. Please.

                I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God in him will I trust…. He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust; his truth shall be thy shield and buckler…. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

                Five minutes later Dr. Luis came in. His face said it all. Something was wrong.

                “Rick, Shannon,” he sighed before speaking again, “I’m afraid I have some very bad news.” He sighed again and looked away.

                She couldn’t handle it anymore; she had to know. She had to know if it was back, even if it killed her to ask. But before she could ask, Rick did. “So, what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” he whispered the last part. She knew that he didn’t want to know either.

                “I’m afraid it’s back Shannon.”

                And just like that, the doctor confirmed her worst fears.

***

                When Shannon woke up, Faith was in her arms, curled up next to her. Shannon tried to get up without waking up her daughter. She kissed Faith’s head and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. She decided to make chocolate chip pancakes. She wanted to make something that would cheer up Faith just a little bit, but she knew that no matter what she made or bought, it would never make the pain from last night go away.

                She had just finished making breakfast when she heard her daughter shout, “Mommy, no don’t leave me too! Please, don’t go! Don’t leave me too! Come back, Mommy! Please come back! I need you! Mommy!”

                Shannon ran as fast as she could. Faith was tossing and turning in her bed. Crying and murmuring something that she couldn’t quite make out. Shannon sat down on the bed next to her daughter. She brushed some of Faith’s hair away from her face. She was sweating and crying.

                “Faith, honey, wake. It’s all going to be okay. Wake up, honey,” she said in a soothing voice. She wanted to take away her daughter’s pain, but she didn’t know how. So she just kept whispering calming words to her until she woke up.

                Faith opened her puffy, red eyes and looked at her. “Mommy,” she whispered. “Mommy,” she cried. She put her tiny little arms around her and buried her head in Shannon’s chest. “Mommy, I thought you left me. I thought you left me and were never coming back. I thought you left me, Mommy. Please, never leave me, Mommy. Please don’t leave,” she bawled. Her heart broke to see her daughter like this. To see her in this kind of pain.

                “Oh, honey. I will never ever leave you. I promise. Mommy’s right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” she said while laying her head on hers and rubbing her back. “I promise.”

                “O.K.” she sniffed.

                She pulled her daughter away just enough so that she could see her face. “Come on, baby. Let’s go eat some breakfast. I made chocolate chip pancakes.”

                “Really?” she asked while rubbing her eyes and nose.

                “Really.”

                She smiled at her and said, “I love chocolate chip pancakes.”

                “Me too.” She kissed Faith and took her hand, and they both walked into the kitchen so that they could eat their chocolate chip pancakes.

***

                Rick looked down at the floor and shook his head. He put his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. It was back. This couldn’t be happening. He heard Tracy whisper, “It’s back. Are… Are you sure?” she choked back a sob.

                When the doctor spoke, Rick looked up at him. “Yes, I’m afraid so. And it looks like it’s gotten worse,” he paused and then looked away. He looked back at them again and said, “The cancers spread, Tracy. That’s one reason why you’re paler than normal. And it would also explain the excessive weight loss that you have had these past few weeks. I’m sorry, but I’m afraid there is nothing we can do at this point.”

                It’s gotten worse, it’s spread, there’s nothing they can do. Then a thought came to him.

                But before he could speak, Tracy did. “How much time do I have, Frank? How much longer?” He looked over at her. What? Why would she say that? Why...Why? He couldn’t finish the thought.

                “A month. Two at the most. I’m sorry.” Rick looked at Tracy. She just nodded her head. He could see tears falling from her eyes.

                He couldn’t handle it. He had it ask. “What about chemo? Won’t that help?” he asked praying to God that it would help. At least maybe give him more time with her. She was only forty. She was too young to die.

                “Not really. It may give you another month Tracy, but that’s all. Chemotherapy is up to you though. If you want a day or so to think about doing it, that’s fine with me. But you need to decide soon. You don’t have much time. Again, I’m sorry.” Tracy had nodded and got up and started to walk towards the door. She turned around and looked at him. She looked tired.

                “Let’s go, Rick.”

                “Okay,” he sighed and looked at Frank. He didn’t want to say thanks to the man that had just said that his wife was going to die in a month. But he knew he should. He stood up and said, “Thanks, Frank,” and shook the man’s hand. He walked over to Tracy and put his arm around her, and they both walked out of the doctor’s office together.