Through the Storm

Chapter 4

They drove home in silence, and Tracy was thankful. She was tired, and she didn’t want to talk about it. She was used to doctors telling her that the cancer was back, or that it would eventually come back. She’s had cancer since she was about five. She could tell you the process of chemotherapy backwards if you asked. But every time she did do it, it worked. When she was five, it went away when she was eight – even though the doctors said that there was a chance that it could come back. Then when she was fifteen, it came back again. And it didn’t go away till she was seventeen.  And then it came back again when she was twenty-eight, and went away when she was thirty-two. The doctors had said that she shouldn’t even be alive, but she was. By God’s grace, she was alive. She hated chemotherapy. She hated, hated, hated it. And she didn’t want to go through it again. But she didn’t want to tell Rick that. Not yet anyway.

                How were they going to tell Shannon? She had just found out that Ryan had died. How were they going to tell her that the cancer was back and that she only had a couple months to live? This would tear Shannon apart. And what about little Faith? What would she think? All of a sudden, Tracy felt very tired. She didn’t know if she would be able to handle all of this. Tracy felt her eyes drooping. She closed them and fell asleep.   

                 She hadn’t been asleep very long, when she realized that Rick had pulled into their driveway and turned off the car. She got out of the car and started to walk towards the house. She was halfway to the house when what Frank had told her came back to her mind again. She had cancer again, it was back, it had spread, she had two months to live; she had cancer again, it was back, it had spread, she had two months to live. She had two months to live; two months to live; two months to…

                “Trace, honey, are you ok?” She hadn’t realized she had stopped walking until Rick had spoken.

                She slowly turned around and whispered, “Rick,” that’s all that she could say. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything more.

                Rick came to her when she said that and he put his arms around her. She started to cry.

                “Rick, it’s back. The cancer’s back. Rick, it’s back,” she cried against his chest. She didn’t have the strength to stand anymore; and apparently, neither did he because they both ended up collapsing to the ground and into the grass.

                “It’s gonna be ok, Tracy. We’re going to get through this. I promise. We will get through this.” He stopped for a few seconds. And then he started weeping, “I promise, Trace. I promise.”

                “Rick,” she sobbed. She was clinging to him like there was no tomorrow because she didn’t know how long she’ll be able to do this. She didn’t know how long she’ll have to hold him, kiss him, or do anything with him. She didn’t know how long.

                “Trace, we’ll…we’ll.” He couldn’t finish his sentence. He was trying his best to compose himself, to be strong for her. She could tell. “We’re gonna get through this together.”

                “How, Rick? How? I…I only have two…two months. Two months, Rick. Only two months,” she sobbed into his shirt. She was crying harder now, and so was he. “Maybe shorter,” she said. It was barely a whisper.

                “Oh, Baby. Baby,” he cried into her shoulder.

                “Rick, I’m not ready to leave. I’m not ready.” She couldn’t stop crying. When she said she wasn’t ready to leave, she meant it. She didn’t want to leave Shannon or Faith. And she especially didn’t want to leave Rick. She couldn’t handle it. She cried harder.

                  “Tracy,” he choked. He couldn’t finish his sentence, but she already knew what he was going to say. He didn’t want her to go either.

                Tracy didn’t know how long they were out there crying but eventually they did go in.