Finding Myself In The Real World

Chapter 2

*Above picture is Lucy*

After that first day in English, Lucy and Xander had become very close friends. They ate lunch together and were always hanging out. Many people thought they were together but when they heard those rumors Xander would laugh and Lucy would wave it off. Slowly, Xander started coming out to more people as high school went on. He went through some really tough times, especially when his best friend Brody had a hard time accepting he was gay.

"Hey, Brody. Can you come over?" Xander asked his best friend. It was winter break in the middle of first and second semester of grade 9.

"Sure dude, I'll be right over," Brody replied. After hanging up Xander took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

'It's fine. He's my best friend. He won't think any different of me.' Xander thought to himself.

"Xander! Brody is here!" His mother yelled up at him. Xander stood up on shaking knees and looked in the mirror.

"He can come up, mom!" He yelled back, he ran his hands threw his hair and went to open his door.

"Dude! It's been so long since I've been over!" Brody smiled bursting into his room. Xander could only nod and smile back half-heartedly.

"What's up, bro? You sounded nervous on the phone?" Brody said throwing himself back on the bed. Xander frowned and went to sit in the armchair in his room. Brody sat up confused, normally Xander would sit next to him on the bed.

"I have to tell you something and you might not like it," Xander said quietly. He looked down at his hands and started to pick at his cuticles. Brody groaned and moved backward to sit up against the headboard.

"Dude. We are best friends. There's nothing you could say to me that would make me hate you."

"Brody... I need you to keep your mind open. I'm still Xander, your best friend. The guy who taught you how to throw a basketball, and the guy who helped you through your first breakup in grade 8." Xander smiled at the memories. Brody laughed and threw a pillow at Xander.

"What's this? Memory lane?" Brody teased Xander as he closed his eyes. Xander swallowed past the large lump in his throat.

"I've been wanting to tell you this for so long... I've already told my parents but I need to tell you this." Xander explained, waving his arms around. Brody narrowed his eyes.

"So... I myself have had a really difficult time accepting this but I finally have, and I really hope you do too." Xander stared up underneath his eyelashes at his best friend.

"It was in grade 7 when I finally admitted to myself... That I was... Gay."

"No way."

"Just listen, please Brody."

"No, Xander, I'm sorry but... You're a fag?"

"Brody..."

"I thought... I can't... I just can't be friend with... Someone like you..."

"Someone like me?"

"Yeah, Xander. Someone gay, someone who likes the same gender. A little..."

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Brody had gotten really upset, leaving Xander's room in a flash. It was an hour after Xander had heard the front door slam shut when he finally moved off of his armchair. Xander couldn't believe his best friend, best, had shut him out just because he was gay. If this was the way everyone was going to react, he couldn't do it. It wasn't right.

His mother and father had both tried to reach out to him after Brody had left him but Xander was past the point of hoping Brody would return. Xander was falling into a depressed state, Brody had been his best and closest friend. He no longer had someone he could call and invite over to play some video games. Xander knew he was being over dramatic but when your best friend ditches you because of something you can't choose yourself, it really takes a toll on a person. It's not like Xander asked to be gay, he didn't scream 'I want to like guys' and he didn't have a say in whether or not he wanted to be gay, straight, bi, or trans. It had taken a while, but finally, at the end of grade 9, Brody had accepted Xander being gay.

"Xander..." Xander turned expectantly, scanning the busy school hallways to find the voice that called out to him. Xander shrugged and continued on his way out to his mom's car.

"Xander!" The familiar voice called out to him once again and he, again, turned back to the voice. He spotted a familiar face, Brody. Xander tried to sneak out the front doors but a large group of seniors were standing by the front doors signing yearbooks.

"Please... Wait..." Brody called out desperately. Xander sighed and halted his movements, he didn't turn around but he did wait for Brody to say something.

"Listen, bro..." Xander turned to glare at Brody as soon as he heard the word 'bro'. Brody backed away, holding his hands up.

"Okay, Xander. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was a dick and I'm sorry I tossed you away like that." Brody apologized honestly. Xander scoffed and turned to walk away if that was all Brody was going to say, he wanted none of it.

"No, Xander, please. I'm sorry I called you a fag and ran out of your house. We are- were best friends and I don't even know why I cut you off like that. You needed me and I turned you down..." Brody tried again and Xander knew he was speaking from his heart. Brody had this weird twitch in his right eye when he was trying not to cry. Funnily enough, Brody's eye kept twitching.

"Please, dude... I know this is all my fault, the biggest fight we've ever head and I know I should've apologized much sooner but... I needed to get it in my head that you are gay. It must've been so much harder for you but... We have so many amazing memories together and I really hope we can make more. I don't want to end our relationship like this and I want to try and be friends again." Brody stepped closer and looked into Xander's eyes awkwardly.

"Brody... Thank you for your apology. I don't know if we can ever be best friends again but I do know that we can try to be friends. I know it must've been hard for you to accept I was gay, but you don't even realize how hard it was for me to tell you. I had to keep telling myself that you'd be okay with it... You weren't. Listen, let's put it behind us and we can try to move on but after a year of you ignoring me... It's not going to be a night change." Xander replied to Brody's rant. Brody nodded gratefully and went to speak but Xander held his hand up.

"Don't say anything to ruin this bro. We are doing so well." 

Finally, they both smiled nervously and awkwardly hand clapped and bumped each other's shoulders. 

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