Poetry

I am ready

"I am not ready to give up"
I lie to myself every night while i cry myself to sleep
"You're a fucking worthless piece of shit"
my brain screams back at my lies
My thoughts overpower what I really know is true
Why do I listen to the evil fucking voices in my head
Why do I think the thoughts I think
"Everybody hates you"
They scream some more
I try to talk to people to prove my brain wrong but I prove it right
The people I talk to prove it right
I'm either too loud or too quiet
I either talk too much or I don't talk enough
Anytime I try not to talk it's because people tell me i talk to much and that I annoy them but then when I don't talk they think something is wrong
Well guess what
You're fucking right
Something is wrong
You make me die a little more inside
Everytime you tell me not to fucking talk
Because you prove my little suicidal, messed up, depressed fucking brain right
I'm dying but no one cares
The sad thing is my only true friends are like me
So they can't save me
They can't even save themselves
And it fucking sucks knowing that I'm in no position to fucking help them either
Our brains kill us
Our thoughts kill us
People kill us
Words are our fucking weapons
"Kill yourself"
My brain shouts at me
Every
Single
Second
Of the day
I try not to listen to it but it's hard
There is much more that my mind says
Oh if only you knew
Everybody hates me
Hell I don't blame them
I hate me
I'm so close to giving up
So sick of trying
So sick of fighting this
I am almost ready
Hell I am ready
I just don't have the guts
But whatever
Who cares