Beautiful People Beautiful Problems ↠ zarry

Entry 1

17/04/2016

Dear Diary. That's so cliché. 'Dear Diary'. I suppose I should just start writing straight off the bat instead of waffling on, shouldn't I? Now I'm busy having a full in conversation with myself on how to start this damn entry. It's always the same damn thing whenever I get a new journal - it's like I've forgotten everything how to just be me and - fuck it.

Okay, so here it goes.

Today is Sunday.. the day I actually listened to a few songs off of Zayn's album. Okay I listened to the whole album.

I don't know why I'm talking about him again when I vowed that I never would. There's simply no reason to - I mean, he's out of my life, out of everyone's lives.

Spoke to Louis the other day and asked him if had spoken to him. He hasn't. He's still hurt, I think he always will be because of everything that happened.

He feels more betrayed than anything, betrayed because he thought he knew Zayn.

I expected to find I won't mind on his album but I guess after the twitter drama that was the end for the song. Unfortunate because it was one of the best that he had written - but I guess that's what happens when you lie with dogs, you're expected to get bitten by fleas (in his case get his song leaked) and Zayn found that out the hard way.

I think his best song - must be borders or 'borderz'. It just sounds so Zayn. It's so British - I don't know if that makes sense but to me you can tell that it's a British song. It's probably because I know him that I feel it's so him.

Does that even make sense???
It's the ending of it that gets me the most, that fucking dial tone.

Besides borderz, there's a song called flower which is like a minute and Zayn sings in urdu. It's very nice. Again, very Zayn. Literally

The most heartbreaking lyrics to come out of the album has to be 'please don't wait I'm not coming home tonight' from a song called rear view.

What the fuck am I actually doing? You'd think that I was working for damn rolling stone and doing a track by track review for the fucking album. I don't even know why I'm going on about it if I'm honest

You know, he thinks he's so smart with some of the lyrics he writes - and then he's all coy about things like fucking hell we get it, you're the fucking mysterious one.