Hold Me Tight, And Don't Let Go (On Hold)

Chapter 25: I Care For You

The sun shining in on my face caused my heavy eyes to burn with sleepiness. I haven't been able to sleep much for the past year, not since I found out my baby had gone back to live with the Lord. Michael never allowed me to say the word, died in the same sentence as Miguel. He said that it wasn't suppose to be that way.

He had a hard time getting over his death just as much as I did. Only he had a better way of dealing with it. He prayed. Prayed that God would help us get through these hard times. He prayed that I would recover, both physically and mentally. I had healed, I still had to go through physical therapy every week, but I was doing better. As far as mentally was concerned... that prayer have been left unanswered.

I suppose that is his reasoning for hiring a psychologist for me. To help me heal mentally. Lord knows I didn't want to sit there and tell all my emotions to some stranger. Hell, I didn't even like telling them to Michael fifty percent of the time. It was so unnatural for me. I mean, what former psychologist needs another psychologist? I am totally capable of taking care of own problems myself.

Michael didn't seem to understand that. We argued about it the night we got back from the Grammy's. I would have saved it for the next morning, but it was heavy on my mind during the whole show. How could the one person I loved deceive me? He knew how I felt about those kinds of things, and the fact that he didn't talk to me about it first pissed me off.

I was sipping on some coffee, staring off into space as I tried to get a boost for the morning. I was going to try and dance again, I haven't made a step since....I don't remember. I decided to give it a try.  I had been so afraid that if I did dance the way I used to I would probably end up hurting myself. My chiropractor told me that it was safe just as long as I took it easy.

Easy... What was that again?

"...doing in here." The voice was faint behind me. I didn't make out the voice because I was tuning everything around me. Something that I had been doing a lot lately. I was in no mood for conversation with anyone.

There was a tap on my shoulder.

I brought myself back down to earth as the sound of water rushing into the sink and sixties music playing faintly in the background filled my ears. " Yes?" I asked with out turning around.

"Terri, " his voice scared me almost. We had been at each others throats for the last few days, arguing about things that i honestly didn't remember after an hour. He was supposed to be at rehearsals, and i was hoping to get some breathing room away from him. "why aren't you in the library, Dr. Rose is waiting for you."

I closed my eyes and inhaled the aroma of bread through my nostrils. "Michael..." I started slowly. "I told you already....I am not going to that session."

I heard him move over to side of me and leaned over on the counter. "Terri..."

I shifted the opposite direction, facing the pale walls.

He sighed with frustration. "Terri.." he said as he walked back into my view. "Theresa." he said my name sharp with irritation. I glanced at his face. " I did not pay for her to come here and waste her time because you-"

"If I remember correctly, you never talked to me about this before hiring her in the first place!"

He opened his mouth to say something but decided to change his mind. He closed his eyes and began to calm himself. " I don't have time for this." he mumbled towards himself.

Neither do I. I placed my empty coffee mug on the counter and stood up to walk away before he said anything else. Of course, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards him. "You are going to go talk to her, whether you like it or not. I have a rehearsal to get to-"