"i don't know where i am going to rest my head tonight, so i won't promise that i'll speak to you today."
i miss being around, i miss being with you. i wish i could just come home to you. but it's too late for that. you're all the way back in houston and i'm god knows where. even if our hearts are still together, who how long it'll be until they move apart too. i promised to call you everyday, and i'd like to think i've done okay with doing so. but tonight, i don't believe i'll be able to. i don't know where i am or where i'm going, but i know it's going to be rough. i'm sorry this had to happen, awsten. i just want you to be happy again.
"but if i ever find another place, a better time. for that moment i was never what i am."
one day i'll get out of here. i'll make it to you. i wish things could have worked out differently. we could've been sitting at home right now. hugging and going on dates and doing cute coupley stuff. but i guess time just wasn't in our favor. as they say, 'things can't always work out the way we plan.' if only i could go back. i'd make things better. i'd make you smile more. i'd bring you to more places you had never been to. i'd listen to more of your stories. and most importantly, i'd find a way to stop me from ending up here, across the world. i just want to be with you, awsten. why is that too much to ask?
"take me to where you are, what you've become. and what you will do when i am gone. i won't forget, i won't forget."
just take me home. why did i agree to be sent here? i don't like anyone here. i need you. you've changed since i left. you've grown. not that that's a problem, i love you no matter what. you dyed your hair bright blue. and although i've only seen it in photographs, i think it looks really nice. i remember that rainy night before i left. you and i sat for hours saying everything we've ever wanted to say. "do you have to go?" you whispered after a few minutes of silence. although it was almost pitch black, i could tell you were looking at me. i remember the feeling i got after you said that. the feeling of wanting to stay. wanting to runaway with you and forget everything. wanting things to stay exactly how they were in that moment. but i knew that wouldn't happen. "you know i have to. but hey, i'll be back as soon as possible," i tried to lighten the mood, but i know it didn't work. i won't forget the way we hugged the rest of the night. or that last kiss we shared before i walked away. "don't go," you cried, making me tear up.
"maybe one day you'll be somewhere, talking to me as if you knew me saying, "i'll be home for next year, darling. i'll be home for next year."
"you know i have to go, love. but hey, this isn't goodbye. it's just a 'see you later'," at this point i had tears streaming down my face, as did you. "i love you," you whispered. "i love you too. remember, i'll be home for next year, darling," i spoke, before turning to walk away. today is a year since that day. i miss you so dearly, awsten. i'm just waiting for the day i can see your beautiful face again. one day we'll meet again. i know i said i'd see you by this year, but i don't think that'll work out. but i'll be home. maybe not this year, but by the next. next year i'll see you. we'll be together. "i'll be home for next year, darling," i whispered as if you could hear me, "i'll be home for next year."
