In Love Again

9th

2015

Poking my head with my pencil, I sighed at my homework in front of me. Time check, 11:18pm. I just can't understand math. I checked the time again even though I just did, wishing that my homework would do itself as I get myself a nice sleep. Suddenly, my phone rang, in which I answered in glee.

"Hello!"

"Aren!" Yuzuru's voice made me grin even wider. "You're still awake?"

"Uhuh," I put my phone down and set it in loudspeaker, but not loud enough to wake up the entire dorm. "I'm working on my homework. Math. Did you just finish practicing? It's almost midnight."

"Yep. Coach lent me this phone for a while. He's doing some stuff at the office right now. Can you dictate the problem?"

I did what he told and surprisingly, he knows the answer. I was shocked by how accurate his solving was even without a textbook for reference. I carefully wrote down the things he said on my notes.

"Wow, you're good at this." I spoke in awe. I could hear Yuzuru laugh.

"Well, I am pretty good in mathematics."

"Good to know," I answered, "I should rely on you with this then."

"If you say so! Oh- Uh, coach is back. I'll try to call you tomorrow! You need to rest so sleep, okay?"

I smiled, but somehow it made me sad that our call had to end that fast. "Okay. Rest too, champ."

Call ended.

I sighed and looked at my notes once again. I look forward for tomorrow.

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Upon hearing the bell ring, I excitedly hurried home. But getting some Tim's wasn't a bad idea either. I couldn't help but look at my phone once in a while. He'll try to call, he said. I still got a few hours.

As I park my car, I looked at my phone once again. As I go upstairs to where my room is, I looked at it. Again and again, until it was 10pm.

I didn't even notice. I kind of knew that he wouldn't call because of his busy schedule as an athlete. I should just sleep. I should remember not to get my hopes up.

When I was about to jump onto my bed, my phone lit up, and a notification for an email popped up.

Hi Aren. I'm really sorry I couldn't call today, I didn't have time. However, I'm using this small chance to send this to you. I'm okay, tired as usual but I'm working hard. I hope you are too. Take care.
Yuzuru

After reading it, I exhaled a long sigh and tossed my phone to the other side of the bed before dozing off.

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Months had passed and my situation with Yuzuru was continuously like that. He sends emails, but it was rare. Calls were rarer. It was hard, we weren't exactly "dating" each other yet we weren't just friends. We were.. something? And yet here we are, experiencing clash of schedule and poor communication. I didn't know how could this even progress. It took me a lot of time and courage to send an email to him regarding of how I feel.

Yuzuru,

Hey. I wasn't able to get a hold of you this week so I'm sending this to you. I know you'll be checking this because I heard you're in Japan right now, and the only communication you'll have with coach Brian is through email. So.. I've been thinking that this won't work out. I mean, we barely talk, I haven't seen you for 5 months, only on TV. But you know. This just won't work. We're not even.. official. Or something. You are busy with your training, I understand that and I'm busy with my studies as well. I think it's better that we just focus on ourselves and don't get to worry about the other one every single day. We are still very young and we have to grow. I'll still support you and cheer on you. I wish you the best. Thanks for everything.

That email made me nervous for so long, not because of the content but because Yuzuru never replied. Never. I didn't call him, and neither did he, so I never knew if he had read it or not or if he chose to ignore it. I believe the latter one. From then on, even though I decided to cut myself from figure skating, I secretly pray that he'll always be in good shape and that he gets what he deserves in competitions.