Beloved

Chapter 2:Hell

This story contains violence & Mature language; Trigger warning

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I sit up putting out my smoke realizing i finished it to the filter, I got lost in my own thoughts thinking about how my father said he'd be keeping a stable job to support me and my younger sister Violet , But i know his 'mental illness' won't be easy to say the least for him to keep just a simple job like working at a construction sight.

I know i may sound judgmental, It's because i am. Of my father for saying "oh hey i decide to shoot meth so I automatically have a mental illness"

is a 'mental illness'... When it's really him just being inconsiderate, I've worked my ass off ever since my mom died.

Tears start burning in my eyes and a lump in my throat starts to form,

Don't be weak

Don't be weak

A voice in my head echoes, I hold back my tears and unwrap myself from my warm snug blankets,

I swing both feet over my bed, sitting there for a good two minutes thinking of what can go wrong today. Bitches, Bullies, My past? scenarios start playing through my head.
I could trip, fall, make a fool outta myself on the first day of school, I'm excited because nobody knows me, my past is hidden, My mistakes, Are in the past... I deleted all social media to cover up my past because it's a truly horrible story... My horrible story.

I put both feet on the ground making the boards creek underneath my weight , I walk over to my vertical standing mirror across the room, looking at my curvy figure in disgust. I used to weigh 120 pounds, now i'm 145.... twenty pounds in the past two months, I started eating more, and exercising less.

It's a daily battle for me every day to eat healthy and not start drinking again, But i won't do that to Violet... I won't turn out to be my mom or dad, I can't, I promised her. As soon as we heard my mother was pronounced dead at 4:52am we sat in my bed crying together, That night as we fell asleep in each other's company I pinky promised her I'd never turn my back on her.

"Kathleena!" I hear my father holler down the hallway to see if i'm awake

"I'm awake and breathing, don't worry father" I walk towards my door which was halfway open already

Looking back into my mirror i quickly turn my focus towards my closet that was full of black clothing.
My favourite colour, could you guess? I smile at my remark to myself, I walk towards my closet already knowing what i would wear. Black button up blouse and Black ripped jeans, undressing throwing my pj's from last night into my hamper. I look over to my little night stand to see it's already 7:20am,

"Fuckkkkkk" I moan to myself only ten minutes to walk to school

I look up to myself in the mirror, My pale complexion staring back, Very emerald green eyes and long bleach blonde natural hair; It looks like my hair is woven with gold and snow at the same time that goes down to my hip bones that is naturally straight . I never bother to put on makeup because my cheek bones stick out like my moms used to, I get told that i looked like a twin of my mother when i was growing up, Now at 17 I see the resemblance between us. I wipe away a tear I had no idea was coming...

'I need to hide my feelings more'

I run over to the side table,grab my smokes and lighter in one hand and my black leather bag in another before heading out my door down the dim hallway. I rush down the set of stairs leading to the kitchen where the sound of hysterical laughter is coming from, I stop in my tracks when i see my dad and violet sitting and eating breakfast, Acting like a normal family, My blood starts to boil underneath my skin.
They both turn their heads in my direction,

"Leena dad was telling the absolutely funniest joke about some gu-"

Before Violet can finish her sentence i put my hand up in the air to stop her from talking,

"We have to go to school V, Don't wanna be late for the first day of school because of some moron who thinks he's a comedian." I say with anger in my voice as I clench and unclench my fist holding my bag

"The schools only five minutes away from here by driving Kathleena, Ill just drive you both!" I turn to my father in his work clothes and a big smile plastered across his face

"You don't have a car..." I say snapping back with disappointment in my tone

He says dangling keys

"It's only a rental until i can afford an actual car" He says looking down trying to make me feel pitty,

"let's go, now." I say before turning on my heel to walk by the front door to slip my black army boots on

I hear footsteps behind me as i finish lacing my shoes up, I get up and Violet is right behind me

"Why are you acting like this?" She said with anger and confusion in her voice

I furrow my eyebrows turning to put my hand on her shoulder

"V, you know in a month or two he's going to back to the old dad, That didn't make us breakfast or even take care of us, let alone drive us to school." i go to turn my back and head out the door when Violet speaks up behind me

"I know Lenna... That's why we have to use this to our best advantage until that happens, until then, i'm going to enjoy it." I can tell she's about to cry with the cracking in her voice

"I don't want to get hurt all over again V, Hell get our hopes up... Like he does every.single.time" I don't hesitate to even turn back and reassure her because she's only 15, She's one of the smartest out there and I don't know why she can't see he's doing this to earn the trust that was lost a long time ago.

I turn the doorknob and open up my eyes to the beautiful surroundings around me, beautiful leaves, not too suny, and the smell of fresh rain, I step down and sit on the concrete opening up my pack taking two out and putting one behind my ear, taking out my lighter and sparking my killer addiction  i hear the door open up behind me, heavy work boots stop by me and i don't bother to turn my head...

"Kathleena.... Can you please try to make it easier on me as a father?" He says with sadness in his voice i clench my jaw taking a deep breath of smoke into my lungs,

"how about you stop trying to regain the trust that i once had in you and let it go.... it's not going to happen mike." i spit out feeling myself wanting to turn and punch him in the face, i turn towards him and his reaction to me calling him his real name is surprised for a second which quickly turns into anger

"you will NOT speak to your father that way" I'm surprised by his reaction

he quickly grabs my wrist to take my cigarette and looks me in my eyes, his dark brown eyes are now clouded over with hate and anger, he looks away from me lifting up my right arm sleeve to reveal my cuts from the night and the day before that, before i can say anything he burns my cigarette into my arm sending pain throughout my body causing me to shriek in agony , he flicks my cigarette away from me as i look to him a smile larger than his ego spreading across his face as it makes him happy to see me in pain.

"and that my dear daughter is why you don't smoke." he spits in my face before getting up and walking to go in his car, i grab my arm and slide my sleeve down with the burning sensation still there, the smell of burning flesh intoxicates my nose. I flinch to hearing the door open up behind me again

"let's go Leena." violet says with excitement in her voice, I lift my head to her and just nod as we head towards the car, i sit in the back wanting to get away far away from my 'father'

he starts up the car and backs out of the driveway, I can already tell this whole day is going to be hell.