Disclaimer: I mean no offence in writing this.
Any names used are fake. The vast majority of the stories are completely fictitious.
I will be updating this when I think of stuff. I may one day make a sequel.
Please leave your ideas. I will use any good ones. This is a christian book but anyone may read.
If you want more, search for Landover baptist church. It is a parody site. I love it. Young kids be warned. There are occasional sexual references.
The holy observer is another of these sites. This is generally more suitable for younger children. Make sure you know it is parody or you may be spouting some funny stuff.
I apologise for any incorectness of spelling/grammar issues.
Thankyou for reading this book! Enjoy!
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RE: Prayer requests. XXXXXXX 17/03/2014 To: XXXXXXX@XXXXXX.XX.XX
Prayer requests this month.
Mr Danilo, pastor of the Logan chuch of England prays that God will redirect sewage to his house for fertiliser.
He plans to also redistribute used toilet paper to save trees.
His church rejected him on the basis that he is a lunatic.
Please pray that he will be reinstated as pastor.
Some people last night nearly got killed by imaginary friends. Please pray that they will be healed quickly.
Some people jumped off a chocolate fudge mountain and killed themselves recently. Pray that family and friends will have an ok attitude to fudge after this. (This affects my business in the fudge industry.) Pray that they would forgive the fudge mountain for being there.
Some people in Illanois baptist church have become aliens, mysteriously equipped with ray guns.Pray for knowledge on the subject. Accompanied by media coverage. Just to make sure everybody panicks and knows the end times are coming.
Your friend and brother in Christ, XXXXX.
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The Seven Capital vices:
A need to dye hair purple.
A persistant need to go to the toilet.
A persistant need to be an idiot.
A persistant need to warble constantly.
A persistant need to scream and wail constantly.
A persistant need to be annoying.
A need to run round screaming and tearing things up.
These will ruin soulwinning experiences persistently.
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Holiday club teddy bear's picnic survey results.
The children:
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Name?
Emily.
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Age?
8
====
Did you enjoy the picnic?
Yes!
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What did you like best about it?
I liked the ham sandwiches!
====
Will you come back next year?
Yes!
====
Rating out of ten?
10!
====
Feedback?
It was great!
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The teddy bears.
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Name?
Mr Scruff.
====
Age?
98
====
Did you enjoy the picnic?
No! We got food stuffed by our faces, we could smell it but not eat it. Torture. I think I've broken my nose.
====
What did you like best about it?
Going home.
====
Will you come back next time?
NO!
====
Rating out of ten?
0!
====
Feedback?
I'm sueing you. My owner forced me to race even though I have arthritis. I also have asthma. I nearly died. This is a serious health issue. The parents of the children filled out health forms, but the teddies never did. It's all about money nowadays I suppose. When I was a lad....
Elderly mental health records:
Name: Pony ] Age: 3
About myself. I often crawl. I make strange noises as you will observe. I struggle with reading and writing. I like the colour green.
Doctor: This guy's gone insane for sure.
Three days later....
"Pony" refuses to come in. He eats grass. A healthcare specialist comes and says "Doc, there's a reason he struggles with reading and writing,eats grass, and refuses to come in. It's 'cause he's a horse."
Doctor: Oops...
YOU ARE READING
Funny stuff
RandomThis is a ton of funny stuff I've been making up. Largely christian orientated. Dedicated to deacon Fred of the landover baptist's church. Please look at their website.
