an assortment of quotes & stuff

Piece 96 • letter

"Hello, this is Suga. Many were inquiring about my time off; to put it simply, I walked, slept, and thought a lot. Before I put out my mid tape I wanted to go on a trip to put my thoughts on order. There was a place I just had to visit too.

I wanted to do things not as 24 year old BTS's Suga but as 24 year old Min Yoongi. It was time to look back at myself. What I say now is not as an artist to fans, or as BTS to ARMY; I start this conversation because I want to communicate as one person to another.

When I'm dealing with numerous people, I become saddest when I encounter the me that can't treat everyone equally. I don't want to hurt anyone but there are instances when I do. I still believe that I'm an inadequate human being.

The second day of the Kobe concert-- after that day I don't think I remember sleeping soundly. It could be because I hurt a lot of people, so every time I fall asleep, I wake up in a cold sweat. I already hurt many people because I couldn't stand on stage once, so I determined to stand on stage no mater what. But everyone told me not to. I honestly bawled my eyes out at the fact that I won't be able to stand on stage. Even though you lose if you cry.

It's easy to suppress my grief. But it's harder when the people I love are grieving. I have once agin made I people I love heartbroken. If I can turn back time, I would have  stood on stage no matter what the cost may have been.

That's why there was a place I absolutely must visit. During my time off, I went to Kobe. Many tried to stop me, but had I not gone, I wouldn't be able to face myself. So  I forced my way over to Kobe.

It's the second time I went to a concert hall after the concert was over. The first time was when I visited AX Hall after our first concert, 'Red Bullet'; the second time was when I visited Kobe's World Memorial Hall, where I didn't get to stand on stage.

I really hate being forgotten. Of course I didn't want to think about these glorious days when many people love me. I didn't want to be forgotten. So I found my way over to AX Hall and World Memorial Hall once again.

I really liked standing on stage and I still do like it. Even when I performed in front of a crowd of two people when I was 17, I still put on a bold performance and maintained eye contact. But after debuting, I don't think I was able to be bold with myself . It may have been that I knew better that I was lacking.

And for the first on stage performances of 'Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa,' I was able to confidently meet the eyes of the audience.

But I didn't have the confidence to face a lot people after the second day of Kobe concert when I didn't get to stand on stage. That's why I visited Kobe; from the time I arrived at the venue, I paved the vicinity until the moment that our show had begun.

From the ticketing booth, the entrance, to every corner of the venue, I wanted to feel everything that you felt. I did experience many emotions. Happiness, the being antsy as I wait for the show to start, sadness, resentfulness, anger, and disappointment, among others. I wanted to understand you, and I do understand you. That's why I'm sorry and sorry again. Because I'm an imperfect human being.

Because I'm a human being who pretend to be strong when though I'm weak, I felt once again that I'm flawed. I may not be religious but I prayed then and there. That even though the finale is set in stone, that this feeling will not be forgotten.

You have taken up a significant portion of me, who have constantly wanted to be alone. It matters not to me your age, gender, nationality, religion, or what language you speak. Today's the day that we've been scheduled to go on 'Music Bank' unexpectedly so I'm returning a day early.

I have returned after organizing my many thoughts. I realized once again that I'm blessed and I must live as a person who is always grateful. Thank you for turning me into a blessed human being, ARMY's. though I may not say it often because my expression is awkward.

I relay my thoughts once again through this trivial writing. Because I'm a flawed human beings, I will live always being grateful for every moment. I love you, ARMY's."

ー Min Yoongi

Honesty and love is something so strong and genuine, even in the most insecure, obscured situations. It's all anyone can ask for. This letter and these words from one person to another can't simply be explained other than something beautiful. This is who I look up to then and now and always will. Even if I could one day grow out of my so-called typical fan girl period, I won't forget a person that has made me see, feel, and share certain sadness and insecurities myself; he is someone rare that made me grow into a piece of what I am and have become today. I won't forget that. Although I myself can't begin to correctly express and describe my heart's feeling, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being a part of one of my first beautiful moments in my life, Yoongi.