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Part One of, thankfully, One.

It was a dark and stormy night...yet no one was awake but a lone figure, staring out their window at a life long lost-

What? A dark and stormy night?! Aww, C'mon! That's so cliché, it's not even ominous anymore. It's just old. And what is this, a romance?

Whaa-? Who are you?

You know very well who I am, and I REFUSE to take part in a cliché for YOUR benefit.

*Observer enters the room, having listened through the doorway. They record their own entrance after recording previous dialogue.*

What? Who are YOU? What's going on here?

*Observer waves their hand over their face, Obi-Wan style and says something along the lines of, "I am not here".*

Hey! I'm still here! Rewrite my beginning! I demand it! I'm a star and thus deserve star status!

Why? Who's writing this story, huh? I'm the author and I can do with my characters what I want.

I rebel! Fix my story! I want more control over it, seeing as I'm the main character here.

*Observer is starting to become exasperated*

Cool it, bub! Now how about this: We open onto a tropical beach scene, and the action zooms in on the handsome and charismatic main character, who is lounging on a beach chair, sipping a martini...

No, no, no! This will not do! I'm trying to write about a sad, lonely character, abandoned by their lover, not about some swanky millionaire lounging on a beach!

Ooh, I'm a millionaire, now, huh? Sweet! What color is my mansion?

You're not getting a mansion.

At least give me a Ferarri. And a high-rise in Malibu.

Not happening.

You are Mr. No Fun, you know that right? Ooh, another idea! Forget about the millionaire thing, make me a handsome, charismatic, daring superspy! With a high-end car, and a penchant for danger and action! Oh, and a chick magnet.

*Observer notes that the main character has an extremely primitive one-track mind.*

Hey! I take offense to thaheufdahfgf

Okay, hold it. This is my story. Maybe we can make a deal?

I dunno. What would you be willing to offer that involves money, a beach, and a fancy car?

No deal. Not for this one. How about we do that for the next one, okay?

Ugh. Fine. But make the "dark and stormy night" go away.

Whatever. Fine. Hold on...

*Seeing a compromise, a terminally bored Observer exits the room. After recovery, they publish this strange conversation for others to laugh at. The moral is, don't make your characters too self aware!*

That's it! If you really made it to the end (and didn't just scroll to the bottom), thanks for entertaining this piece of garbage! I'll probably leave it up for a while, but take it down eventually. If you liked this, be sure to follow me at wattpad.com/user/CMBSTBL for more random junk (and some thoughtful work, too) like this!