Coming Out

Chapter One

The ground is slowly opening up. I can see the redness of the fire from within the rocks.

I don't have much time left; Should I jump, or turn back? It's inconclusive as to how either would end, but my gut is telling me neither would be pretty. In that moment, I thought back to how I came to end up in this situation.

***

I was in the classroom. People were chattering all around me. I sat quietly, staring at the empty corkboard. Someone should start pinning up decorations and whatnot, I thought to myself. There was a tap on my shoulder, which pulled me away from my thoughts. To be perfectly honest, I was relieved that finally someone would want to talk to me.

I pretended to be annoyed, because that's what they expected me to be. My eyes locked gaze with the most mesmerizing set of brown eyes. Eyes that make my insides --yes I am talking about my organs and whatnot-- flutter with joy. Eyes that increases the amount of oxygen I have to take because my heartbeat goes erratic: it's going too slow and too fast at the same time --plegh, I sound so corny-- Eyes that, unfortunately, belong to someone I may never have, my bestfriend Colin. He asked me if I was okay, and like the liar that I am, I said yes. As he talked on and on about this trip he was planning, I just sat there, taking in every curve, every edge and inch of his beautifully chiselled face.

God was feeling generous on the day He made him. Sitting in front of me was a guy who was able to make any girl swoon and cry and crawl and beg for him. I've seen it. Secretly I'm one of them too. Except for the small disturbing fact that I'm a guy. Once again he pulls me out of my thought just by touching my shoulder.

"So you in?" Am I in what? In love with you? Yes.

I bit my tongue and pretended like I knew exactly what he was talking about. And like the idiot that I am, I agreed on whatever he was talking about earlier.

***

So we're on the road. I found out that I had agreed to go on a mountain climbing expedition or something with him. And some of the other boys in class. Splendid.

The tiny voice inside my head was whispering hopeful thoughts, but I chose to ignore it. I'm done with being hopeful. But then I succumbed into what it was saying. All the endless possibilities were making me overthink. So I slept.

***

When I woke up, he was sleeping, head rested on my shoulder. Trying to be very cautious as to not wake him, but wanting more of Colin, I turned my head towards him and inhaled his scent. It was my very own favourite brand of perfume. It was a mix of shampoo, cinnamon and his musk. The way he always smells like. He started to stir so I quickly turned my head the other way, and sprained it. Great.

***

With a sprained neck and a heavy feeling in my chest, I set out to find a good camping spot for the night. We were at the foot of the mountain. Colin was setting up the tents while the others went to look for more firewood. I was on cooking duty, obviously. Colin was looking at me the whole time I was cooking.

I looked at him questioningly, he just shook his head and chuckled. Ahh, the sweet sound of heavenly chimes. My pants were getting tighter so I thought of something un-Colin. And in just a few moments, I was deep in my dark, depressing thoughts. Colin must've seen my mood change, so he left to who knows where. He probably thinks he upsetted me or something. Pft.

***

Now I'm alone and the fire is dying. The stew should be okay for now. I poked at the fire with a stick, creating a little friction to keep the fire going. I sat on the damp ground and drowned myself in my fathomless thoughts.