Just A Poke

I Hate Mondays...

Maxon

* BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! *

I rolled over in frustration and turned the alarm off feeling not at all ready to get up and face the day. Everyday for me is long and I never seem to get enough sleep. People think that just because I'm a rockstar my life is made, that's far from the truth. My life is a constant drain of everything. My physical and mental health, my relationships with my family and girlfriend...ex-girlfriend. It's not all bad though. I get to see thousands of people that adore my music. The very essence of my being. It's means the world to me that so many people appreciate what I work so hard and dreamed so hard for.

Maybe I'm just lonely and that's why I'm being such a bum. It's been 3 months and Ash still hasn't called me back. I didn't really think she was serious when she said she was done. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. I knew I wouldn't find anything from Ash but I hoped anyway. One missed call from my manager and another from my mother.

I sighed. Why now of all times did she decide she'd had enough. She had stick through endless tours and trips, only communicating through calling and text for months at a time, having to listen to people over the Internet talk about our relationship and my band. And now, I'm leaving for 2 months and she decides to leave. This might actually be the shortest tour I had ever been on.

I told myself over and over...

"Stop thinking about her, she's driving you crazy"

"There are plenty of fish in the sea"

All that really ended up stuck in my mind was her. The way she smiled, the way she laughed. Even her ass as she walked away from me. Of all guys on the planet why did I have to be the one who falls hopelessly in love.

I guess life goes on. I realized that the more I went out with the guys the less I thought about it. So like last weekend Oliver is going to come over so we can get wasted. Only this time he's bringing company...

My dates name is Sabrina. I know nothing about her. All I know is that I should smell and look nice and buy a shit ton of booze.

I hopped in the shower taking my time under the steaming stream. I washed and conditioned my long dark brown hair, I scrubbed my teeth, I washed my armpits and feet. After I was clean I just leaned against the tiled wall and thought. Thinking is bad of course, and showers always seemed like the best place to cry. So I did. I sobbed and sobbed I asked why over and over. Eventually I ended up laying in a fetal position on the shower floor as the water smacked me. After a while I began to feel foolish and although I was alone, embarassed. She didn't deserve my tears. I bet she isn't even crying. Her face was stone cold when she broke things off. Not even an ounce of guilt or pity or sadness. She looked like a bitch. Damnit I wish I could just forget about her. Pretend she was just a good dream. Pretend that all the times we made love were just fantasies.

I finally got dressed after laying back in bed for an hour. I pulled on a grey t-shirt, jeans and my chucks. I added a black zip-up jacket for the rain we were supposed to get.

I stepped outside into the rain and pulled my hood up. It was April and here in Seattle it rains a lot. I drive a little Ford Ranger, I like them because they are cheap on gas and I like trucks. My first stop will be the grocery store. I'm going to make stir fry for dinner. The trip only takes 20 minutes, and that was mostly the ride there. After the grocery I head to the liquor store. I grabbed whiskey for myself. Mikes Hard Lemonade and shooters for the girls, and tequila for Oliver. You know your an alcoholic when you can drive a whole bottle of whiskey to yourself. Then again I hate tequila and Oliver drinks the shit like water. With all this booze tonight surely couldn't be that bad.