So today I got news that I didn't get a certain position in a local youth group I'm apart of and instead of being happy for my friends that were chosen, I was really upset that they were chosen over me. I messaged a friend of mine who also happens to be a leader in said youth group looking for an explanation of how on earth they could have been chosen over me. Although at the time I would have just said I was messaging her for comfort because I was upset. That's a load of crap. I wanted her to tell me the director of the program was wrong and that I would have been a far better choice. When she didn't tell me that, and in fact told me I may not get the position when it's open again in the spring either I ended our conversation as soon as I could. Let me back up a second and say while I was finding all of this out on social media and texting my friend I was sitting in my grandparents kitchen talking to my grandma and trying to hide how upset I was getting. So I excuse myself to the restroom to try and quickly pull myself together and stop myself from sobbing. As I was in the bathroom however I started to compare myself to one of the girls that was chosen instead of me and basically in my mind saying I am a much better Christian then she is and that they were making a mistake choosing her over me. So, I "pull myself together" and go back to my grandma. She was getting a snack ready for my granddad who requires a lot of care and can't get around without a lot of help, so once she was done preparing that she asks if I want to go sit with them in the tv room. I say that I'm okay and I instead go to the living room and dive into my bible. I was thinking of Paul's words in Philippians 4 where he is talking about how he has learned to be content in whatever state he is in. So I go looking for that, not that passage in Philippians, but rather I'm looking for passages on being content. Instead, what I found was Deuteronomy 32 - "the song of Moses" as my bible labeled it. And in reading that I found the rebuke of forgetting the price with which I was bought, forgetting that God is my Rock and he establishes his people wherever he chooses. I was hit hard with the realization of what truths I was choosing to forget or ignore when in my pride and self pity I chose to put myself above another in my thoughts. I am no better then anyone else, I fail in my own ways, I struggle with my own sins and I am in no place to judge another. God lovingly showed me a huge problem of pride in my life and I'm so thankful he did.
