So, it's the end of another day. Today it only took 2 cups of coffee to keep me awake which is actually pretty surprising and impressive in my opinion. Staying awake throughout an entire day is basically impossible without some form of caffeine, usually obtained through the form of coffee. It's not that I'm too addicted to it and that I should cut back on it because I'm too dependent on it. People always just assume I've always liked coffee and that maybe that's linked to my headaches. I don't know how to make them understand that I use to have a very small caffeine intake and that it only became a necessity when I realized that I could actually become a functioning human throughout an entire day without a nap as long as I had caffeine. I don't actually like coffee, I in fact, hate the taste of coffee. But I drink it with the mindset that it'll actually help me. A comfort I'm not use to anymore. I hate that I don't know why I'm like this. I'm doing everything I can to make myself better, I've seen 13 doctors in 2 years, changed my diet completely, started drinking more water, tried to regulate my sleep better ("tried" being the operative word), I've done basically everything anyone's ever suggested. And still there's no answer. I'm exhausted 24/7, I wake up more tired then I was the night before, I can't remember what it's like to not feel pain from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I found out a couple months ago that it's not normal to look at a pain point chart and say the entire thing is my body. I honestly had no idea that most people haven't experienced random bursts of pain throughout their whole body at one time or another without any reason. That was a tough but enlightening realization for sure. Well anyway the point of all of this is to say I'm tired; I'm too tired to keep up with everything. And even more so, I'm too tired to handle all this pain. Now it's time to sleep. Here's to a better day tomorrow, and if not, here's to trusting that God is good no matter what.
