The Potter Twins and the Order of the Phoenix {5}

25. Christmas on the Closed Ward

"I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways, or explain why I'm not sane" ~ Duality, Set it Off

Is this why Dumbledore no longer meets our eyes? Does he expect to see Voldemort staring out of them, afraid, perhaps, that their vivid green might turn suddenly to scarlet, with cat-like slits for pupils? I remember how the snakelike face of Voldemort had once forced itself out of the back of Professor Quirrell's head and I run my hand over the back of my own, wondering what it would feel like if Voldemort burst out of my skull.

I feel dirty, contaminated, as though I'm carrying some deadly germ, unworthy to sit on the Underground train back from the hospital with innocent, clean people whose minds and bodies were free of the taint of Voldemort...Harry and I had not merely seen the snake, we had been the snake, I know it now...

Harry and I both disappear to our bedrooms when we arrive at Grimmauld Place, lying to Mrs Weasley and Dad by saying we're both tired and need to sleep. 

It's here, that I begin to pace up and down, my brain teeming and seething with questions and ever more dreadful ideas.

How did we become the snake in the first place? Is Lord Voldemort really possessing us?

And then, with a terrible stab of panic, I think, but this is insane--if Voldemort's possessing me, I'm giving him a clear view into the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix right now! He'll know who's in the Order and where Sirius is ... and I've heard loads of stuff I shouldn't have, everything Sirius told me the first night I was here ...

With a heavy sigh, I drop onto the bed and rub my eyes; surely this can't be true...

I skip dinner, telling Dad that I'm still feeling unwell and I think that I just need to sleep it off. The next day, I leave my room and settle myself in Buckbeak's room, stroking his head affectionately. Harry soon joins me, and we sit in silence, and I know that we're on the same page...


"I know you're in there," comes Hermione's voice, not long after Harry's arrival. "Will you please come out? I want to talk to you."

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, pulling open the door as Buckbeak resumes his scratching at the straw-strewn floor for any fragments of rat he may have dropped. "I thought you were skiing with your mum and dad?"

"Well, to tell the truth, skiing's not really my thing," she says. "So, I've come here for Christmas." There is snow in her hair and her face was pink with cold. "But don't tell Ron. I told him skiing's really good because he kept laughing so much. Mum and Dad are a bit disappointed, but I've told them that everyone who is serious about the exams is staying at Hogwarts to study. They want me to do well, they'll understand. Anyway," she says briskly, "let's go to your bedroom, Ron's mum has lit a fire in there and she's sent up sandwiches. Tay and Riley have arrived, too."

Harry and I follow her back to the second floor. When we enter the bedroom, I'm rather surprised to see Ron, Tay, Riley, Ash, and Ginny waiting for us, sitting on Ron's bed.

"I came on the Knight Bus," Hermione says airily, pulling off her jacket before we have time to speak. "Dumbledore told me what had happened first thing this morning, but I had to wait for term to end officially before setting off. Umbridge is already livid that you lot disappeared right under her nose, even though Dumbledore told her Mr Weasley was in St. Mungo's and he'd given you all permission to visit. So ..."

She sits down next to Ginny, and they all look up at us. 

"How're you feeling?" Hermione asks. 

"Fine," Harry says stiffly. 

"Oh, don't lie," she says impatiently. "Ron and Ginny say you've been hiding from everyone since you got back from St. Mungo's."

"They do, do they?" says Harry, glaring at Ron and Ginny. Ron looks down at his feet but Ginny seems quite unabashed.

"Well, you have!" she says. "And you won't look at any of us!"

"It's you lot who won't look at us!" Harry says angrily, and I flinch. 

"Maybe you're taking it in turns to look, and keep missing each other," Hermione suggests, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"Hilarious," I say dryly

"Oh, stop feeling all misunderstood," Tay says sharply. "Look, the others have told us what you overheard last night on the Extendable Ears--"

"Yeah?" Harry growls, his hands deep in his pockets as I watch the snow now falling thickly outside. "All been talking about us, have you? Well, I'm getting used to it."

"We wanted to talk to you both," Ginny says, "but as you've been hiding ever since we got back-"