jenn,
i don't really know how i want to start this. i just need to make sure you fully understand what you did to me.
everyday for the past week i have woken up with my skin burning and my lungs feeling as if they were going to collapse, yet all the same they craved to be freed from my chest. this is excruciatingly painful and terrifying.
i loved you, jenn. i loved you like the dew loves grass shards in the early morning, how wildflowers love the highest noon sun, how the moon loves the earth.
i don't think you even know what love is. if you loved me like you said you did, you wouldn't have gone behind my back and lied to me, and let somebody else into our bed and ruin our life. i hope you learn how to fall in love, i hope you learn how to love.
if you want to delete every picture of me and pretend we never existed, that's okay. but i'm keeping mine, because you, jenn, showed me who i am when i'm really, truly in love. it sucks that i wasn't enough for you, that you had to bury yourself in andrea for comfort, but that just proves there's nothing i could do. you had the best me and i'm done being sad over what you did to me. i will give my love to somebody who can take it and bloom with it. i will never be ashamed of you, nor will i speak ill of you. i am no longer sad, just angry.
you made me feel like i have nothing. but when i am hit with the dark thoughts that the early morning brings me with, i no longer feel compelled to text you, or call you, or reach out to you at all. i do not need you anymore. i have family and friends that will scoop me up when i'm crying so hard i can't breathe and they are helping me get back on track slowly but surely. that is who i am pouring my love in to.
one month ago today, i never would've thought my life would've been so torn up by you. you were always the one to mend it, not ruin it.
my deepest apologies that this letter is all over the place, i just needed to get my thoughts down. i only ask one thing from you, jenn.
don't treat your next partner how you treated me. pour yourself into them. love them, do not betray them. nobody deserves to go through what you did to me.
you will regret losing a good thing.
love always,
alyx
