Vikings: Imagine you and Ivar ...

Imagine your weddingnight with Ivar - II

Words: 3220

In your dreams a wedding night, a marriage was an extraordinary thing, you always imagines yourself with that flower crown, a dance, lying underneath your husband when he filled you with joy. You imagined the big smile on your face, the love you felt twisting in your stomach. You had it all figured out when you saw your sister marry a couple of years ago. That was so magical that you wished that for yourself to. But it wasn't like that, you didn't marry out of love, you didn't dance with your husband and you didn't felt the love twist in your stomach. Instead that whole evening you heard the whispers going around, that he couldn't please a woman, that you were doomed for the rest of your days. Nervous as you were you didn't looked forward to any of that, certainly with that cocky grin he stated half of the time. The thought of laying with him in one bed made you a little sick in your stomach. But as soon as he was there, facing the fact he needed to perform in a way all men did his confidence left him. Ivar always looked very eager, self-consumed and then he just sat there like he was afraid of everything in the world. His insecurity made you stronger, giving in on the fact that you might, in the slightest, have something to say about this marriage. That you could love.

Your finger stroke over your lips while you gazed at the ceiling. You pushed your legs a little together under the sheets, remembering how it felt down there, when he kissed you, touched you. You turned your head aside and looked at him for a moment. His hair laying rough all sides to his face, his bare chest slowly going up and down with his deep breaths. You licked your lips, turning on your side to watch a little longer. The inside of your stomach clenched a bit together when you thought back of the things you showed him, surprised that you took it on yourself to actually learn him. You didn't imagine that it would go so easily, that you would felt in a certain way good and strong enough to show him all of that. He was handsome, if you didn't look to his legs, or his arrogance ... in his sleep he looked handsome, not so threatening. But you knew as soon as his eyes would flutter open that it would get akward so you softly pushed your body out of the bed, walking around it to grab your dress from the ground. The cracks the floor made caused you to look over your shoulder more than once, hoping it wouldn't wake him. You stood with your back to the bed, tying your dress together, ready to leave when his voice made you freeze.
'Where are you going?' He asked. You kept looking at the door before you took a breath and turned around. His blue eyes seemed confused, angry?
'I didn't want to wake you, you seemed so peaceful.' You replied, not moving an inch.
'That isn't an answer to my question.' Something in his voice was a little edgy and you forced your body away from the door towards the bed.
'To my sister.' You answered it honestly. He looked at you, studying your face for a possible lie before his eyes looked over your body. You forced yourself to sit down on the edge of the bed.
'You didn't want to wake up aside me? Aren't you my wife now?' His own questions made him angry and you looked for a long time to your own hands in your lap before you slowly looked aside to him.
'I don't know, I don't know how this work, I know nothing about the marriage life.'
'You knew plenty enough tonight.' He stated. You smiled a little nervous, thinking back on the things you had done tonight.
'I don't know.' You admitted. Maybe you knew things, or maybe it was instinct taking over. You knew this wouldn't be an easy road.
'I want to feel that again, you, I want you.' The greed he caressed around his voice made you look back at him.
'I have to see my sister.' You whispered, standing up again. He grabbed your wrist and for a moment it felt painful.
'If you lie, you will regret it.' He warned you.
'Offcourse.' You nodded submissive and he let you go. You walked out of the door and breathed softly out. He was frustrated, unsure, you were leaving him while he was sleeping and he didn't knew how to handle that.

That evening when you walked in the great hall everybody was watching you. You lingered a little in the doorway confused for what all those looks meant. It followed you all the way in, you bowed your head, looking at the ground as you continued your way to Ivar. 'There she is.' He smiled smug. His brothers sat around him, each on of then praying you with their eyes.
'Husband.' You greeted him polite, nodding to the other brothers. You sat down aside Ivar, thanking the slave for giving you a cup of ale.
'I heard it went well tonight.' Hvitserk laughed. You mouth dried out, suddenly noticing why everybody was watching. He told? You looked down in your cup before you slowly looked aside to Ivar. He looked satisfied, like there was a burden felling from his shoulders now he told everybody he could please a woman. You knew he didn't mean it in that way, he was happy, he triumphed and he wanted everybody to know that. But knowing everybody here knew about the things that you did made your cheeks turning red on the thoughts. You lifted your cup, drinking it empty in one time, closing your eyes when you swallowed the rest of it.
'We won't believe you Ivar, not until she is pregnant.' A man laughed from the far corner at the table. There were feeding that fire of him, challenging him and when you looked aside he already sat there with clenched jaws.
'At least he got a wife.' You said, looking to the man, to his brothers before you stood back up. Ivar grabbed you with your elbow and you turned around to him. 'Let me.' You warned him softly.
'You are angry.'
'Off course I'm angry, you told everybody,' you felt silent and shook your head. What would it change? Nothing.
'They needed to know, I won't be treated as a cripple on every level.' He hissed, soft enough that only his brothers could hear it.
'Did you think for one second about me? Ivar, they are all imagining me now, they are all looking at me. Did you thought about that?' You asked. His grip loosened a little while you talked and you pulled back, giving you sister walked just in you walked her way and just like before everybody was watching you. Probably they were picturing you naked, pretending they were on top of you, imagining all the things they could do to you ... because Ivar couldn't keep his mouth shut by bragging about his accomplishments. And when you looked over to him you saw him looking to all the men around realizing that you were right. Your sister made you forget the night a little, playing a game, dancing, laughing. But every time you turned he was watching, every time you moved you felt a chill going down your body, like you were a deer that got hunt down. Your sister pulled you up for a dance and you rolled your eyes, smiling.
'Don't you dare denying me.' She warned you, pulling you at your hands to where they were dancing. Two man were playing some lovely music and you just went with up, throwing your hands up while you followed the dance your sister made. You started laughing because she went great length to get her moves on point. You felt a hand resting against the small of your back and you looked over your shoulder to a young man, a good friend of the family.
'Can I dance?' He asked. You took your dress and made a bow, giving him your hand so he could join in the dance you were making. It felt good, for the first time since you got married something felt a little normal. And when the dance was over your friend bowed and you smiled to him, only to catch the one thing that made you smile disappear, Ivar. You opened your mouth a little, looking how his blue eyes followed your friend back to his family. Those eyes said more than you wanted them so say, he was jealous, he sat already on the edge of his seat, like he could crawl after your friend any moment. He sat there alone, his brothers were gone, one a little further with a woman and the other not even present anymore. You swallowed and walked over to the table.
'Ivar.' You said. He jerked his eyes away from your friend and looked up. His eyes were ice cold, his anger almost pouring out of it. You knew if you would walk away now he would explode, or at least it seemed like that. You laid your hand on his shoulder and sat down his lap. His fingers pinched down in your waist when his one arm embraced you. 'Why are you acting like this?' You asked.
'Why?' He repeated your question, clenching his fingers around your chin.
'Ivar.'
'You are my wife, you are my property, my possession. And yet you go dancing with other men like you are a free woman.' He hissed angry. His hand traveled to your neck, he followed his movement, looking down over the rest of your body like he was looking for more of you treacherous behavior.
'Do you want me to be unhappy, do you want me to sit here all night beside you, doing everything you ask?'
'I am your husband! You are mine!' He shouted it almost. Some people looked over their shoulder, others didn't hear it. You felt embarrassed. He squeezed your neck and you fingers grabbed for it.
'Yes and I am your wife. Ivar, you are hurting me.' You whispered with blurry eyes. He startled a little from his own actions, letting go of your neck but not of your side. You stroke your fingers around your own neck and looked away from him.
'We go home.' He announced frustrated.
'Off course, whatever you want.' You applied, coming from his lap and walking to the door, not even waiting for him.

You didn't even want to change your dress for a nightdress; you didn't even want to look at him. 'When will you feel that you are with child?' He asked, crawling in, smashing that door way to hard. You startled, not only from the kick but also from his words.
'What?' You asked confused.
'You need to be pregnant, soon.' Soon? You looked at him, opening your mouth while shaking your head.
'So you can show everybody you can please a woman?' You pointed outside, upset. Somewhere you hoped that his jealous act from earlier would fade away. That he would get vulnerable again, but that didn't happen.
'Lay down!' He pointed to the bed. You slowly looked to the bed before you looked back to him, your eyes widening when you realized what he was asking.
'No, Ivar, no.' You said, flinching back from his reach. He grabbed you anyway, pulling you on the bed underneath the strength of his arms. 'Please, don't.' You said, tears starting to set free from your eyes. He looked at you, how you fought against him, how you denied his touch, the fear in your eyes. 'If you do this, if you will force yourself on me for your ego I will never love you, I will never care for you like a wife should. I will hate you.' You whispered through your tears.
'You would never love me, who will love a cripple.' He reacted harsh.
'I did, last night I felt something, I had hope for something and you just ruin it all.' You hissed. His grip over you weakened and you pulled loose. He let you as you crawled to your end of the bed, turning with your back towards him, hoping he wouldn't touch you for the rest of the night. The urge to ran off to your sister was big, you really wanted to get away out of this house but you know this would be over then. Two days, that was all it cost for him to break you while all you wanted was to be happy, to feel something, to at least take care of him. Yesterday there was something, when you showed him your body, a connection. It was all gone now; he drowned you in his jealous act, his arrogance and ego.

You waked up by the pressure on your side, feeling a hand sneak over your waist to your stomach, holding you tight. You looked it front of you, brightly remembering what happened last night, how rough he was then ... how soft he was now. You felt his chest contacting with your back, his nose taking in the scent of your hair. Understanding his situation you did from the moment you first saw him, but actually living in it made it harder and yet ... you shifted your arm, strangling your fingers through his. But you didn't say a thing; you just looked in front of you, repeating everything over and over again.
'Y/n?' His voice sounded little, uncertain. You turned your body on your back and looked at him. It didn't look like he had slept, his eyes were heavy, broken, insecure. You wouldn't keep up with that game of him. And he could see that right in your eyes, he hurted you, not only mentally, also physically. He removed his hand, looking down instead of at you.
'Did you know what you did?' You asked softly, studying his face. How could you stay so calm, how could you still give him the benefit of the doubt. 'Ivar?'
'Yes, I know.' He reacted, frustrated.
'You wanted to rape me, only to get me pregnant, only to prove everybody the other side of what they thought of you. Only for that you would throw away everything that there could be between us, for your ego.' You placed your finger against his chest and shook your head. 'I would never forgive you if you had done that.'
'But I didn't.' He whispered. He grabbed your finger and hides it away in his firm hands. You looked at it, flattening your hand between his before slipping your fingers through his, feeling his skin under your fingertips.
'Isn't it enough that I know? Was that night not enough for you? Did I do you short in anyway because,'
'Y/n,' he interrupted a little angry. You looked away, back to the ceiling and it became silent for a very long time. He still held your hand, covering it between his while he calmed his mind in the progress. 'All this time I have to listen to others their accomplishments. I see my brothers get every girl while all the people do for me is underestimate me, not caring what says or does.' He told you, clenching his teeth together in frustration. 'You never gonna please a girl Ivar.' He pretended to be Sigurd and you slowly looked back to him. 'You never gonna raid Ivar.' He followed in the same voice. 'I have that urge of proving them wrong, I was born fighting for what is mine and,' he felt silent and studied his face with a little more compassion, knowing wat he was trying to tell.
'I'm yours.'
'Seeing you dance with another man just,' his teeth clicked together and you swallowed for the rage flowing through his deep blue eyes.
'You have to trust me, you have to know that I will always come back. That I will be honest.'
'Why did you ran yesterday morning?' He asked.
'I didn't ran, I just knew that waking up aside you would be different so I thought,'
'You thought wrong.' He interrupted your, squeezing your hand softly. You nodded while pulling your hand back from between his. That one was on you, your fault.
'Do you believe me if I say I want to take care of you? That I want to understand you? That I want to love you, for you to touch me? That I want to be your wife?' You placed your fingertips against his jaw and he looked down as you followed the line over his face. 'Ivar.' You lifted his chin and looked to him. 'You can be jealous; you can be protective and arrogant but just don't embarrass me like that anymore. Give me a change to defend you in a way only a woman can.' You whispered. He looked slowly back and you forced a smile on your face. 'This isn't easy, but we have to trust each other.' You followed. You weren't sure if he would remember it in the next time he would be jealous, or frustrated.
'Why are you so kind?'
'Because I care, because I understand.' You pushed your head up and placed your lips on his. He didn't reply on it and you pulled back, laying your head back on the bed. 'I forgive you, is that what you want to hear?' You asked him softly. He turned away, on his back, gazing to the ceiling. It really had done something with him, you saw it. You hoped it would linger long enough, that this was a reminder for a while. You turned your head and looked at him. 'Ivar, talk, I can't guess forever.'
'Nothing.' He muttered. You turned around on your stomach, hovering your head over his.
'Do you want to prove yourself so badly?'
'I hated when they are looking at me, I feel like a caged animal, seeing how they look at you, what they think of us,' He bited his own teeth so hard in the frustration that you signed softly. When he talked it was like he was beyond his rage, like he wanted to kill something right here in this instant. Giving the pain he showed earlier you weren't really afraid. You lowered your head and kissed him, not giving him a change to think it to much over.
'I want you to learn me how to fight.' You whispered, placing a kiss against his cheeks. 'I want you to touch me like yesterday night.' You followed, placing your lips against his ear, boosting his longing, his confident for he lost it a little over the night. 'I want to be your wife Ivar.' You said. He groaned, caving under the feeling and grabbing your waist, pushing you to your back rather quick and harsh. You opened your mouth to his when he kissed you, hungry, feeling his hand traveled over your body. You moaned against his lips and restored everything what was broken in his with that sound, arching your back, longing to feel him again.