Duplicity

Part Two: Tom

As I lay panting and exhausted from yet another hot sex session, I looked to my lover and he smiled at me with passion in his eyes. He grabbed my hand and kissed it before I could pull away and sit up. I smiled at him and stood moving to pull my clothes on, in the heat of the moment they had ended up in all corners of the room.

Once I was dressed I began the goodbyes and with him it took over fifteen minutes to get out of the door, so I kissed him quick and promised I would be back as soon as I could. I left his flat and it was like I had left a special bubble because as soon as the fresh air hit me so did the guilt but not like a gentle breeze, like a bloody freight train.

I walked away and climbed into my car, I pulled my bag out from the back seat and pulled down the shade to look in the driver’s mirror. He knew better but I checked for hickies anyway and when I couldn’t find any I pulled out some body spray from my bag and doused myself in it. I shoved the bag into the back, turned my engine on and drove home.

I met William through work, he came in as a partner on a project and when it was over we never parted. No one knows about us, we don’t go out in public and I always use protection and forbid him from marking me in any way. He knows about Louis and he has gone through the usual begging, asking me to leave him and stay with him instead but I told him it wouldn’t happen. I offered to walk away at that point, warning him no matter how deep we got I wouldn’t leave Louis but he decided he would rather have me like this than not at all.

So we continued and eventually I fell for him too and it became too hard to walk away from either man, I live two lives and something had to give and soon. William was becoming frequently uneasy about our relationship and I could tell he was going to give me an ultimatum soon, my problem was I didn’t know what I wanted.

When I arrived I was welcomed home with a big kiss and a nice cup of coffee, my tea followed soon after and the guilt just kept growing. It never stopped me though, I wasn’t sure why I had done it in the beginning but now I knew I had fallen hard for two people. My husband finished work a few hours before me or so he thought and that is why he always plays housewife and has my tea ready.

He spoils me because he is under the impression that I am slaving away in an office ten hours a day when in reality I am with my lover for the last two hours each day. My husband Louis works just as hard if not harder than I do, he is a male nurse and spends at least eight hours a day in the hospital then while I go and participate in a sordid affair he cooks for me. What kind of person does that? A despicable one.

I love my husband so much it’s unreal, he treats me perfectly and the sex is amazing. I wouldn’t ever get tired of him and what made it worse was if I did get tired of him and wanted to leave him, he would probably still support me as I broke down telling him instead of looking after himself.

I met my husband at university we hit it straight off and have been together ever since, we didn’t rush into marriage either it took us ten years before we agreed to it. He is my other half and I am sure without him I would be completely lost, so why do I feel the need to do this to him?

After all of the years with Louis I couldn’t see myself living without him but was that just because he was so perfect and spoiled me or did I still love him. With William I wasn’t sure if I loved him or if it was just pure infatuation because the sex was so good and there was my dilemma- choosing.