Chapter 9: Can't Back Down
- Jackie's POV -
We weren't able to talk aboout our plan much more because the bell rang and it was time for the next class. The teacher wrote me a note excusing me for being late and I went to my locker to get my books. Emma and Demi followed me.
"Emma You don't really have to follow me all day." I told her
"Yes I do. Jacks, it's your first dayback. That one speech doesn't mean their bullying is going to stop." she said.
"I forgot what it felt like to be back here," I said, "how it sucks the life out of me. I know they are all talking about me and I know it's not good. They never have anything good to say. I can't do this"
I felt like I was having a meltdown. I've been at home for days and I thought I was getting better, letting that little voice in my head saying possitive things finally win. Now I'm bact at school and I felt like I was falling, losing all the progress I was making. I slammed my locker closed and started walking towards the door, fully aware that both Emma and Demi are following me. I stormed out the front door and collapsed onto the bench outside the door and cried. Emma didin't know what to do, she just stood there. Demi sat next to me and put her arm around me, trying to confort me.
"You're just into it." She said, "It took me months. You're healing at an incredible pace, but it's still going to take time. Have you heard my song Can't Back Down from Camp Rock?"
I just nodded my head and she continued. She started to sing it to me. "We got a situation that we can't ignore 'cause ignorance is not bliss, we don't have to take this no with every big decision comes an equally important share of the risk we gotta take this. We can't back down. There's too much at stake, this is serious. Don't walk away. We can't pretend it's not happening, in our oown backyard, our own homeplate. We've been called out! Do you hear your name? I'm not confused. Let's win this thing. We can't back down."
Demi Lovato was singing to me. I couldn't believed this was happening. First I get to meet her, then talk to her, now she was sitting next to me singing. I am being stupid and I know it, but I can't help thinking about all the horrible things everyone is saying about me.
"You can't back down," Demi said, "We have to fight back and make this bullying stop. It's not going to be easy, it's going t o be a challenge, but you can't let them win. All those people who won't stop saying all those horrible things, why would you let them? Do you want to rise above it, be successful and prove to all of them that you are worth it? That you are better than they will ever be?"
"How do I stop the negative thoughts constantly running through my head?" I asked
"You don't." She said, "YOu just have to look at all the possitive things. Wake up everyday and say to yourself 'I am beautiful'. You will feel better, I promise. Then think of one thing you are thankful for. One different thing everyday."
"That works?" I asked
"Yes it does. Those are things that I have learned to do and I still do." She said, "now, are you ready to face them?"
I finally looked up and saw her and Emma looking at me.
"Let's do this!" I replied.
I stood up and walked into the school with Demi o one side and Emma on the other. I got back to my locker and grabbed books for the next class. Demi went to the office to talk to the principal and Emma came with me to the class. It was time for Math class, which I was worst at. My teacher's name was Mr. Crosby. Everyone gasped when I walked in the door. Obviously because Emma was with me. Mr. Corsby directed me towards my seat and he found an extra seat that he put next to me for Emma to sit at. I sat at the back of the classroom and I pulled my notebook while Mr. Crosby began the lecture. This was going to be a very long day, definitely not in a good way.
The day went by as long as it could be, but Emma being there helped me more than I thought. Whenever I was feeling bad, she just started talking to me. Demi took both me and Emma out for a lunch so we wouldn't have to sit in the cafeteria. They thought it would be good to take small steps, and the cafeteria was something they didn't think I was up for yet. Cosidering I just got back into the eating habit, Emma and Demi picked the restaurant. Demi pulled into the local Mexican restaurant and we got to seat ourselves. The waiters took our order and we ate chips and salsa and talked while waiting for foods to come.
"How was it?" Demi asked
"Scary," I replied, "but I feel different. Last time I went to school I didn't give a crap......about anything. Now I feel like all eyes are on me."
"That's because you're starting to feel again. We tend to just turn our emotions off. You'll be tempted to cut a lot and go into your old ways, but just know that you have the rights to feel everything that you do. You are beautiful just the way you are and what others think doesn't mater as long as you are okay with yourself. That's the trick. Just be happy with yourself and scew what others think." She said
"That's the trick?" I said
"Yup. Tha's the trick. You can't go wrong if you are happy with yourself." She said
"Do you guys mind if I take the rest of the day off?" I said, "I promise nothing bad, there's just somewhere I need to go"
"Where?" Emma asked
"You know where," I said looking at him, " please?"
"Okay, but after we eat I'll drop you off at the flower store." She said
"Thank you!" I said
Just as I finished saying it, the waiter came and delivered our food. Emma ordered quesadillas while Demi ordered enchiladas.When we were done eating, Demi dorpped me off at the flower store and Emma at the studio. I bought a bouquet of a very colorful and beautiful flowers before starting to walk down the street. I haven't been here in years. I have no idea why I wanted to visit, something just told me it was the right place to go. I reached the cementery and I slowly opened the gate and walked in. I haven't been here since the funeral and I was so mad that I told myself I would never visit ever again. I walked through the rows and rows of other gravestones searching for the one I was looking for. When I did, it was pretty lonely. No one has visited in years. There were dead flowers, but a framed picture stood up against the stone. I heard someone's footsteps behind me and I quickly turned to see who it was. My jaw dropped and the flowers fell to the ground. I started rubbing my eyes, but she was still there.
"It won't help," I heard her say, " I'm not dead, after all."
"What?" I stuttered
"I am not dead." She said
"But.... but.... I saw you" I stuttered again
"I have my own reasons, which I'm pretty sure you already know." She said
"Why would I know?" I asked
"Because I suffered form the same thing as you," she said, "only I was smart enough to get out of it."
"But Alicia, this isn't possible." I said
" Yes it is, I faked it. I'll explain everything" She said
"Why?" I asked, "why come back now?"
"I heard what happend to you and Emma called," she said
"Wait," I interrupted, "Emma knows you're alive?!"
"Yeah," she said, " we didn't want to tell you because......"
"No!" I yelled, "You don't get to talk! You're supposed to be dead! You died years ago Alicia!"
"I am so sorry." She said, "but I came back to help you, i love you"
"I love you too, you are my sister. But you died, I watched you!" I yelled
I had no idea what was happening. I felt like I was in a movie, or in a horrible nightmare. Things like this don't happen in real life. I'm healing, I'm getting better. Why was she doing this to me? Showing up out of nowhere when she's supposed to be dead. Maybe I'm seeing things. Maybe it's all just in my head and she's not really here. I sat down to the ground and pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them. Alicia approached me and put her arms around me. Something very strange was happening to me.
END OF CHAPTER 9!!!!
