Chapter 5: Skyscraper
- Jackie's POV -
I walked up to my room with Emma trailing closely behind. I opened my door and we both steped in. I walked over to the stereo and Emma looked closely at it.
"So, this is it?" she asked, "the reason you stopped?"
"I can't explain," i said, "I just started listening to it and it's like it doesn't let me cut anymore. I started researching her. I want to know why or how she knew how i felt."
"Did you get your answer?" She asked
"Yes, actually. She was anorexic too... and cut. She went into treatment where she also found out she was a bipolar. She says she was healthier than never and learning to deal with her problems day by day. I never understood there were people out there going through problems just like me." i said
"you need to stop this," she said, "and you need to start eating and i will do whatever it takes."
"but how?" i asked, "they torture me everyday. They'll never give up. It's not like them."
"Do they know who you are?" She asked
"I am moving back in for a while.. to help you," she said, "now, behave while I am gone."
"I smiled and started towards my desk while she left the room, but she came back in seconds later.
"What's wrong?" I asked her
"Give me the blade" she said
I looked at him with a very serious face.I've never been without blade before. It's always been in my pocket, except when I was cutting of course.I just stood there staring at her. She can't seriously beasking me to give up the only thing that's been here for me the last few years.
"I am serious Jackie, hand it over."
"But...." I said struggling
"Jackie?"
"I'm sorry okay. You can't expect me to just stop without a struggle. I've never been without it. I can't give it up." I said
"If I don't force you to hand it over, you're going to cut the second I leave this house." she said
"I am not!" I said, but then I went silent.
Negative thoughts started going through my head and I realized she was right. Those negative thoughts are always going through my headand they weren't going to stop anytime soon. Emma might want me to stop and she does have a lot of faith in me, but I couldn't just stop like that.
"I'm sorry." I said
"It's okay," she said, "now..."
"Fine" I said, pulling the blade from my pocket. I stood there staring at it, not being able to move. Emma reached for it, but I pulled it away from him. How did she expect me to hand it over?
"Jackie, you can do this" she said
"I'm so sorry," I said,handing the blade over to her
It was directed more towards the blade itself than at Emma. This was gonna be a lot harder than I thought. Emma took the blade and left the room. I walked over to my bed and collapsed on it in tears. It's was the first morning of my recovery. I took my hoodie off and looked at my arms. Even some of my earlier cuts, the scars didn't go away. I felt the need to cutbecause I haven't been able to all morning. I started shaking,trying to resist the urge to search the room for something sharp. The scarse covered my arms, and it made me cry even more. I could hear Demi Lovato's music in the background:
I would be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!
Tears slowly went away as I listened to the entire song. When it was over, I went to my laptop and looked up the music video. It was the most beautiful song I ever heard. I went to my stereo and put the song on repeat. The entire time Emma was gone I sat on my bed listening to that song. My attitude was already changing and I ha no idea how or why. I was sure of one thing though; this new attitude o mine wasn't going to be here for long. My old ways will always come back like they always do. Nobody can stop that from happening, not even me.
THE END CHAPTER 5!!!!
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