||Behind locked doors || Jerrie ||

Chapter 19

Perrie:
I look up from my hands after explaining the whole story to the principal, funny isn't it the word pal is in principal, apperently it's meant to help us see we can go to them about anything but in this moment he is anything but a pal. It's like we were captured by the enemy, we have to go into survival mode. Jade wants her job, I want my education. We can't have both, I can't keep Jade if either of us want a life.

The ultimatum that is the end of us; either you break up and the school turns a blind eye to what happened or the authorities are called and I'm expelled.

So we break up, the only logical thing to do. Yes it's going to hurt and yes I will be broken for years to come. She is apart of me and always will be but for now we must part. Go our seperate ways, if we are meant to be we will find each other once again when I'm a singer or a cheer coach and she is teaching music at a local high school. If we are meant to be we will walk away from each other knowing that we will find each other once again.

Jade looks into my eyes as a final goodbye. She has stopped wiping away her tears and has let them just flow down her face and neck, small damp patches evident on her shirt. She gives me a week smile before slowly getting up and leaving the room. I wipe my eyes once again before I stand up, my head lowered, too scared to look at the principal. My feet scrape along the ground as I slowly shuffle out of the office, all my energy is gone. I think I'm just going to curl up in a ball somewhere and sleep for a few hours... or days.

I drag myself to the car park where my car is parked, next to jades. I slowly make it to my car, I'm almost there, a few more steps. I know if I look to my left I will see Jade sitting there crying, I can hear her sobs but if I look I won't be able to leave. If I don't leave our principal will come and see and we will suffer consequences neither of us are willing to face. So I have to just make it these last 3 steps into my car.

I give Jade a final glance once I'm safely inside my car and see her honey brown eyes locked onto my blue ones. I mouth 'I love you' before slowly driving out of the car park, only looking back about 20 times.

~~~
Three weeks. Three weeks without a single word to her. There are still stolen glances from time to time but they aren't the happy ones we used to share, these only bring more misery.

I was moved out of jades music class so we don't have any reason to be seen together, not that I could bare being near her as the pain I feel now is unbearable enough.

~~~
I feel like I'm apart of Alcoholics Anonymous or something because I'm officially 1 month sober. 1 month sober of Jade Thirlwall.

It's slowly getting easier. I came to school for 2 days this week, normally if I do come it's only for about an hour a week. I can't be there, knowing Jade is there. I don't know how she's handling all this. I want her to be happy but I also want her to be as miserable as me. That's how horrible of a person I am.

I haven't seen Luke yet. I don't know what will happen when I see Luke. I don't know anything anymore.

I know I'm meant to be sitting my finals soon but how soon I don't know. Maybe they already passed. Maybe I missed them. It doesn't matter I was most likely going to fail them anyways.

~~~

So I didn't miss them, Jesy and Leigh dragged me out of the house this morning. They have tried everything to help but they can't do the only thing that will help... bring back Jade.

I sat my finals today, they weren't that bad. Honestly they were a good distraction. I was to busy focusing on simultaneous equations and stoichiometry and things like that to think about the brunette beauty.