18 Feb
I feel lonely all the time. Its like a room inside me now, with windows and doors that are ever locked. Enough space but no furniture. The walls grey, dull, never clean.
I need to fill it. This hollow place. Sometimes I even imagine a six year old me inside, just sitting in the corner. It happens on a bad day. I seem to be having a lot of them now. Bad days. But the thing that bothers me is that nothing wrong happening on these days. Their just days. I am one ungrateful being.
24 Feb
At evety turn I take I'm dissappointed, its beginning to seem more and more pointless. Time seems to move on without me and I'm stuck in a ditch, slowly sinking. I don't struggle anymore, I don't care enough to ask for help or may be I just don't want to break this illusion. Inside deep down I know, no will help and even if they do, it will be half hearted. They don't really want to. I just want somebody to know without saying it. Am I asking alot by not asking?
29 Feb
This hope is a bastard, it really really is. He keeps me alive and its killing me. I'm hopeful and this makes me hopeless, even though it doesn't exactly exit. This half ass hope makes me angry, I feel like punching it and then throwing it on the ground and jumping on it. Bam Bam Bam. I'm not jumping on anything, did you see how crazy it makes? No you can't but I'll tell you, It makes me so crazy I want to scream. Urrrgghhh. But you won't ever find that out. Not because I don't actually do it. I do it all the damn time, just inside my head.
My head is a big place, everyone says I am always inside it.
