Forbidden Love

Forbidden Love 12

ARA P.O.V

BREAK na kami.

Wala na.

Tapos na.

Paano na ako ngayon? Tila kulog na paulit-ulit na ume-echo sa isip ko ang mga katagang 'yun. Mag-u-umaga na pero di manlang ako nakaidlip. I was crying the whole night at kahit nananakit na ang mga mata ko sa kakaiyak ayaw pa ding tumigil sa pagtulo ang mga luha ko.

I was deeply in pain. I think my whole body and soul were buried six feet under the ground. Ang sakit-sakit na to the point that I can't even breath properly. I have to accept it, Kuya  had promises elsewhere, a life that didn't include me.

Tumayo ako saka binuksan ang ilaw, napapikit ako ulit kasi masakit yung liwanag sa mga mata ko. I had promise to myself na if ever dumating ang oras na 'to, I will stay strong pero kapag aktwal mo na palang nararanasan, di mo na maiisip ang salitang tatag.

Kasi nilulumpo ka ng sakit. Kasi ang hirap-hirap pakawalan yung taong naging buhay mo na. Parang hinihila ang puso mo ng magkabilaan para mapunit.

Napatakip ako sa mukha ko nang mabilis na namang tumulo yung mga luha ko. Nanghihina na ako, I feel so suffocated. Dinampot ko ang phone ko, nagsuot ako ng roba at lumabas. Kailangan kong umuwi sa bahay, kung kinakailangan kong maglakad pauwi gagawin ko. I can't stand staying here, sleeping on the same roof with him. Kailangan ko na munang tumakas.

My chest feel so heavy, mabilis akong naglakad sa hallway at bababa na sana ng hagdan nang may madinig akong kaluskos sa sala. Madilim kasi kaya di ko makita kung may tao dun o wala. Bubuksan ko na sana ang phone ko para gawing flashlight nang mamanhid ang buo kong katawan.

"Ahh! Ahh! Slowly babe. Be careful...ahh...hmmpp!"

That was Ate Mia. And they are obviously making love. I can even hear their hard breathing. Tila tumigil sa pagtibok ang puso ko. Literal na nanginginig ang katawan ko, sobra-sobra na.

"Ahh...babe!"

"Ssshhh..."

That was Kuya.

Nakuyom ko ang kamao ko, I tried to move pero tila naparalisa na ang buo kong katawan. I heard them moaned in a duet, and that was the most painful sound I ever heard in my whole life. This moment—from the floor where I am standing to the cracking of my heart, to the tears I tried hard to suppress— felt like death in slow motion. It felt like ripping out something rooted in my soul.

'Oh  my  god— '  Pinilit kong gumalaw para makabalik sa kwarto ko. I was crying like the world just ended nang isara ko na ang pinto. I was sobbing really hard as I punched my chest to lessen the pain inside.

This is my karma. Walang duda, ito na yung parusang hinanda ng langit sa akin because I let my cousin, my own blood fuck me. And for letting myself fell inlove with him. Napatingala ako sa kisame, sinikap kong makalanghap ng hangin. 

I'm so tired that I just wanna die. Ang hirap kasi binigay ko yung pagmamahal ko ng sobra-sobra, yung wala ng natira sa akin. Ang tanga-tanga ko! I had poured myself into that love, given pieces of my heart I would never get back. 

I stayed quiet when it hurt, smiled through the ache, and convinced myself that fragments of happiness were enough. But now, in the silence, it hit me—I was always the one holding on. Always the one waiting—ako lang ang nagmahal. He just used me, shaped me into his liking. 

Napa-sabunot ako sa buhok ko, para na ding mabibiyak yung ulo ko. Ayoko na. Kung pwede ko nga lang palitan yung puso ko, ginawa ko na baka sakaling mawala na din siya. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something. But I just sat here, sa malamig na sahig—silent and still—my pain was too loud for sound, too deep for movement. It owned me.