I'm not going to give you much of a prelude, bore you with in-depth details of my morning. Like how there was an unnatural chill in the air, how there was something off right from the beginning. How colors looked dull, voices were soft. How for the first of many nights to come, I didn't dream of you.
No, I'm going to start when it started. When I arrived at school, expecting you to fix everything with a simple flash of a smile. Expecting you to brighten up my day, lift me up. Expecting the race of my heart and instant ease you brought on like sunshine. I'm going to start when I first started hearing the faint screech of metal everywhere I went, which I later found out was the sound of my life being torn apart.
Highschool. Well, there's not much to say about it. It's noisy and annoying, for the most part. I always had my headphones in, constantly trying to drown out the sounds of desperate teenage girls too scared to talk to boys, and pathetic teenage boys too arrogant to admit they really had only had sex with one girl who they truly loved. Highschool, all in all, was full of shit. I didn't submit my ears to such torture, but instead listened to rough, lulling voices, sweet, keening chords, and contagious beats. Rage, happiness & sorrow.
When I walked into Thorton High, trudged through the hallways and realized it was empty, I stopped dead. It wasn't saturday, was it? I took out my headphones, looking around. My music bounced off the walls.
A murderer walks your streets tonight...
There were no couples making out against lockers, no slackers finishing up last minute homework, no druggees dealing & baked at 8:30 in the morning. I slowly walked towards the cafeteria, officialy freaked out. I picked up my pace as I began to thoroughly convince myself that I was in a horror movie, almost at a run and not caring since no one was around to laugh. The soft murmurs of talk from the caf brought relief and made me chuckle. How stupid I had been to think anything was wrong. I wasn't alone in the school waiting like a sitting duck to be killed, it was probably just a slow morning. Although, seeing everyone clustered together did have me second guessing myself again. It was then that I thought of you. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, slowly walking towards our group of friends. You hadn't texted me yet, which was abnormal. Your bus usually got to school before mine, and you'd text me telling me to hurry as if I could speet it up myself. I shot a quick text to you, 'Hey beautiful, you at school yet?(:' , and then scanned the room. No sign of your long, wavy brown hair, plenty of big brown eyes but none quite like yours. Everyone else's didn't shine at the sight of me, or gaze with a passion for life like yours did. In fact, I could see everybody's eyes at that moment, blue, brown, hazel, grey, green - colors I didn't even have a name for - but still, none compared to yours.
Everyone was turned around, all eyes on me. Well, everyone but you.
I could feel my cheeks burning bright, the sudden attention shocking me. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was staring at me. Blue eyes had tears in them, brown ones were wide with surprise, green were full with sympathy. What the hell was -
"What are you doing at school, Chris?"
I turned, startled. Andrew stood there, tall, ginger and concerned, his hand on my shoulder.
"Why shouldn't I be here?" I half-whispered. Everyone was still staring, I was used to being judged, but never up front and center. Where did they get the audacity?
Andrew's face falls, his grey eyes searching me, "You- you don't know?" He asks quietly.
"Don't know what?" I ask, truly confused.
"Oh, god Chris. Oh, god. I am so sorry... I am so sorr-"
"Wait, what? Why are you apologizing?"
"Christ Chris, I thought you would have heard-"
"What are-"
"It was on the news, weren't you-"
"I have no idea what you're talking about!"
"Christopher, I am so, so sorry."
"What the fuck do you have to be sorry about?" I get louder, what the hell was he talking about?
"You should sit-" He tried to lead me to a nearby table, but I pushed him off me.
"I don't want to fucking sit down, Andrew! What the hell is going on?" I shout, and the room goes silent. If I thought the attention was bad earlier, it's worse now. Eyes are burning millions of tiny holes in me.
"I..it's-"
"What, Andrew, what? It's what?" I scream, but by now, I know. Don't ask me how I knew you were dead, because I just did. I could already feel my heart inching downward.
"It's Nicole, Chris. God, I am so sorry... so sorry..." he says quietly, looking down, tears streaking his face. I can't move, so I stand straight, fists clenched, my mind pitching and rolling.
"What happened...?" I ask quietly, deadly.
"She... it was on the news-"
"What happened." I demand.
"She's dead, Chris. They found her dead this morning."
"This morning..." I repeat, barely audible, "dead..."
"I am so-"
"Sh-shut up Andrew. Just, don't," I say. What I did next, I'm not too proud of. I'm not the one to break down in front of a crowd, but what could you expect? My heart was tearing, my head was spinning, tears were coming fast now, an endless stream down my face. I turned towards my audience, and hurled, sobbing and spluttering.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
You squirmed beneath me. Your breathing hard in my ear. I ran my hands up and down your soft skin, caressing every inch of you. I tasted your skin, your lips, your love. Our hips moved together, you played the harmony while I played the melody. You were like an old fit, fresh but familiar.
"Nicole..." I ground out in a moan, you returned it with a high keen as I pushed in closer to you. You're hands pulled my hair and you whispered,
"Now,"
"Oh, God, Chris, now, now, please."
I grunted as I pulled down my pants and you took the heat of me in your hand, causing me to moan and my heart rate to double up. I ripped off your panties and you kissed me and stroked me like it was your last day on earth. You breathed me in as hungrily as you would oxygen and the feel of your body against mine was remarkable. And then you lead me to you, and I pushed in, and my mind was everywhere. It was on your hands, raking my arched back. Your lips, biting my neck. Your legs, wrapped tightly around my waist. You were everywhere. Your moans rolling in your throat, bucking beneath me in pleasure. My mind was on you, and then it was blank. Your toes curled and you pushed me in further than I though I could go and let out the sweetest noise I've ever heard. And then I exploded inside you and it was like nothing before.
And then you went home, and committed suicide.
You had told me you were ready, you said that night was the night. We made love, and it was unlike anything else and you went home, and you killed yourself.
You fucking died.
