"Emma?"
I turned around to face my biggest fear: meeting him again. And not being ready to meet him again.
He scratches the back of his neck, and smiles, shyly.
So many thoughts and memories take over me.
"Hey, why are you here all alone?" a baby Luke asks me, as he enters my hiding spot in the entire playground. The pink, small house.
"I like it here" I say, not meeting his gaze.
"I like your shoes" he says, pointing at my black, school shoes. They're just like his.
"I like yours" I smile.
"Wanna be friends?" he asks, and offers me his hand. I shake it and nod.
"Sure."
...
"Hey, I heard Grace and you fought" a sixth-grade Luke asks me as he sits next to me.
"It's not like you care" I shot, not wanting to look up, not wanting him to see me cry.
"I do. I know we've drifted apart, but I still care about you. You're like my little sister. And it hurts me to see you like this."
"I'm sorry" I rest my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to cry.
...
"Don't you understand? I'm in love with you!" sixteen year-old Luke yells at me.
I'm frozen. I can't talk or speak. The only thing I'm able to do is pull him into a kiss.
...
That's kind of where the good memories start turning black. I shake them all off and look at him, trying to seem indifferent.
"Sorry, do I know you?" It came out a lot bitter than how I'd planned it, but it didn't matter. Would he believe I, of all people, wasn't able to recognize him?
Luke Jennings looked away, hurt visible on his face. I almost felt bad for him, but then I remembered.
He's done this before, I thought. It's all part of his ugly little act.
"I... um..." he stuttered. After a while, he clears up his throat. "Sorry."
Sorry? I rolled my eyes at him, not caring by the fact he's seeing me.
I started walking away, but he stopped me.
"Emma" he said, again. I turned around one more time.
"What?"
"You know me. Damn well you know me."
"That's what I used to think" I said, trying to show indifference one more time.
"Em... I need to talk to you. About... everything" his tone was nicer now, more soothing than before and, definitely determined.
If I had been someone else, I would've slapped him and told him to fuck off. But I'm not. I hate making scenes, and this guy definitely didn't deserve one. I just have to make him go, I thought.
"Well, I don't need to listen to anything you have to say" I spit the words.
"I totally understand your reaction, but please... give me a chance to explain myself."
"Explain yourself?" I laughed with irony. "That's funny, you know. You just leave after I tell you I'm pregnant... And then come back three, no, four years later, demanding me to listen to you? Give me one good reason why I should."
"I came all the way to New York to talk to you. And if I did, it's because it's pretty important."
"That's sweet... but, I'm not impressed" I said, sarcastic.
"Let me finish, please. Just give me a chance to talk to you... I was a dick, I know... but you don't know the whole story."
"And I'm not very interested in hearing it" I said, cutting him off again.
"I understand you need time to process this..." he said, ignoring my words. "Whenever you're ready to lend me your ears, I'll explain everything."
"You want some advice?"
He stayed quiet.
"Don't waste your time. And don't waste mine. Don't push it, Luke."
Santiago came back. He didn't seem very aware that Luke was there. In his defense, he didn't even know Luke.
"Emma!" he came back hugging me. "You're the best. You have no idea what...!"
"Bye, Luke" I turned to flash a fake smile, and followed Santiago so he could tell me everything.
"Wait... who was that?" he asked.
"No one important" I said under my breath.
He looked at him one more time.
"Holy shit. It's Bella's dad, isn't it?"
I shushed him.
"How did you know?"
"Because it looks just like her! What'd he want?" he asked, frowning.
I sighed.
"I really don't wanna talk about it right now."
"Okay, fine. Let's go look for the girls."
"Sure. Now why don't you tell me what happened with the girl from the club?"
Santi smiled.
"Went great. Asked her out and she said yes."
"Nice" I said, patting his back. "Where are you taking her?"
"I really don't know" he laughed. "And you're helping me."
I side-hugged him.
"Don't I always?"
.
.
.
Bella and I said goodbye to Santi and left the park. We were both walking home and I couldn't help but think about him. Was he being sincere? He did come all the way from Colombia to New York, I thought. Why else would he come?
"And then Julie and I started rowing the boat!" Bell laughed, excitingly remembering every detail of her playdate with Julie. I'd usually listen to her, and laugh with her, but my mind was wandering in three thousand places at the same time.
"Mhm" I said.
"Mommy, are you even listening?" Bella asked, full of curiosity, not annoyance. "Are you okay? You've been acting weird."
Then I realized. Did Bella know? Could she tell what was going on? Yes, she was only three, but damn was she smart... I didn't want her to suspect anything.
"I'm sorry, Bella" I said, stopping and hugging my daughter in the middle of the sidewalk. "I just have a really bad headache" I wasn't really lying. I did have a horrible headache from what had happened in the last two hours.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe you got it from me."
I knew she was talking about "getting it from her" because of the cold she'd recently had. But I couldn't help but take it in other way.
"No, Bella, I love you no matter what" I told her, and she was a little confused, but hugged me.
"I love you more, mommy."
