"Okay, so the day you told Luke you were pregnant... what'd he do?"
I gulped. I was hoping she would tell me the story of what the fuck was going on, not interview me.
I decided to play along though, and I was too tired to start a fight.
"I told him right after I found out. Before I told you, or my friends. He was the father, he needed to know first."
Mom nodded.
"After I told him, he freaked out. He just had a panic attack, and started talking about how he wasn't ready to be a father, how he could barely support himself, and he wouldn't be able to support a family..."
"Mhm" Mom said, but I kept quiet. She then looked at me, her eyes bigger than ever and her face expressionless.
"Go on, honey. What else'd he say?"
"Well, I asked him if he didn't want the baby..." I looked down for a second, my eyes tearing up.
"But he didn't say no..." Mom encouraged me to go on.
"He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes. When he started going like that, not giving me an answer, I told him I could raise the child on my own, that I didn't need him or his approval" I said, more confident.
I grabbed my mug, took another sip, and, more comfortable, kept talking. It felt good. I hadn't told anybody the whole story, no one knew what'd happened that day at the park when I told him I was pregnant. No one knew what I had said, how he had reacted. Everyone just knew he'd left, but no one knew under what exact conditions. It felt good to be able to open up to someone.
"Did he... just leave?"
"No, ma" I said, my eyes glossy, fighting the tears. "He told me he needed time to think about everything, he said this was just a huge surprise and he wanted to take some time to figure out how everything would be like. He told me he loved me and he'd come back when he had everything figured out..."
Ma gulped down the remaining of her coffee.
"But he never came back" I said. "And I decided to take the offer I had gotten of going to New York and working with Paisley. I guess it opened a door for me in a way. I had rejected the job to stay with him, but now that I think about it, I guess I need to thank him for that."
"Don't say that, sweetie. Everything you've accomplished is only because of you. Don't give Luke or anybody else credit for it" The fact that she mentioned his name sent a chill through my spine. It's not like I didn't know who we were talking about, but her saying his name out loud made everything much real, much scarier.
"I guess" I shrugged.
"Okay, sweetie... Now I'll tell you what I know... And I want to say, before I start, that the most important thing in my life is your happiness and your health, and everything I did was for your well-being" she cups my cheek and stares at me before she recovers and snaps back to reality.
I nodded, a little confused.
"Okay" she sighed. "I don't know where to start... so that day... you told us you were pregnant"
"Yeah, that same day" I said. I remember telling my mom in tears, I was so scared, and Luke hadn't been very helpful or supportive.
"You were in tears honey, and I'd never seen you like that... Well, the situation was new for all of us. It hurt, you know, to see my only daughter like that."
"But you were really supportive" I said, as the events of that day played in my head. "You told me about how you found out you were pregnant with me, and how you were in my exact position."
"That's the thing, sweetie. When I told your father, he was scared as hell, but happy. Luke never gave you anything that reassured you he'd come back, did he?"
"He didn't" I said. "And he clearly never did, I never saw him again... well, until the other day at the park."
"You saw him?" Mom asked, her eyes lighting up with... hope? Fear? What was it?
"Yeah, it's no big deal..." I lied as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. This was the longest time I'd been able to talk about Luke without having a complete breakdown since... since ever.
"Wow, okay. So that day... after you came home crying, I told you you should hang out with your friends and family; spend quality time with the people you know are always there..."
I nodded. This was the longest storytime ever, and I really didn't want to be there and keep listening to mom talking about Luke, I didn't want him to keep hurting me, but there I was, and I couldn't bring myself to get up and tell mom I'm over it.
"You went to a café with Jo, Amanda and Paula and Luke... he came here."
I take a sip of my coffee and immediately swallow it, shocked. He what?
"What?"
"He came back, Em... He came back for you."
