I'm scared of myself.
scared of my reality.
what will become and what has done.
scared of regret.
scared of the truth.
scared that I am the type of person that needs validation from others because it's the truth.
scared that I will never be what I deal to be.
scared that my thoughts will be the end of me.
scared that the end is near and that I am nothing.
scared that I will not experience love.
scared that my definition of love is being morphed by society and it's for the worse.
scared that I will end up being a nobody, heard by no one, and loved by no one.
I'm scared that all I'll end up to be is nothing.
and all the cause is because I'm the one to blame for my fears.
I'm the one who accepted the the title given upon me by the people and when they were to tired to keep reminding me I did it myself.
reminded myself I wasn't pretty enough.
I wasnt smart enough.
I wasnt feminine enough.
I wasnt funny enough.
I wasnt kind enough.
the difference between me and them is I get tired but I won't stop.
tired of the names I hear repeating in the vacancy that is me. but there is no cease.
tired of telling myself I can't do things because I know I will fail to do without even trying. there is no cease.
tired of making everything a big deal when it could be the slightest glance but I turn it into freak show and I'm the main event. there is no cease.
tired of being tired for believing these things but putting no stop to it. there is no cease.
for I am a bird but this bird is locked in a cage and by cage I mean myself, i am a bird that is free by heart but also the cage that imprisons the bird that is me by will.
and sitting here making this, putting every scentence, every word, every syllable of combinations I could think of I realize that I cannot ever be free by the crime that is me. by the crime that I've been told is me but it isn't yet I believe so it is.
the crime of not being perfect.
of not being a ray of sunshine.
of not being the light of hope.
of not being the rainbow that lights the sky.
and the sentence for this crime is going through it alone.
