Hallucinations (Zustin)

xv.

was supposed to be the epilogue but eh, whatever.

***

TWO YEARS LATER

"...And maybe I don't know where he is right now, maybe I'll never know. Maybe I'll never get to see him again. But I know that I'm going to keep searching for him. I'll never find someone like him ever again, because people like him aren't easy to find. 

"If only... if only I told him the three words. I don't regret anything more than this. Not telling him how much he meant to me. I was scared, but also my humongous ego was on the way. I blamed it on time, saying that it was too early. That no one can fall for someone in such a short span of time. 

"It was only when he left, I realized I had completely fallen for him. It was only when he left, I felt the need of his presence and or just a simple text for him for my day to go well. 

"I should have spoiled him. Should've taken him out on endless dates. I didn't get flowers on my date with him. I was that of an idiot. I should've gotten him flowers every goddamn day, but it still wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough.

"As of now, I try not to think of him. Because if I do, I think of all the lovely times we had together, and when I think of that, it makes me want to cry my eyes out. I try going out with other people, but it doesn't help. 

"We should appreciate what we have; that's what I've learnt. Tell them how much you love them, every single day. Spoil them, make them laugh till they can't breathe, hug them, kiss the hell out of them. Do everything to show them that you mean the world to them, and without them, you feel lost, sad and hollow.

"I'll say it; I love him. I love him so much. And I could say it forever. Scream it from the top of the world, as cliché as that sounds. Because he was my everything. He is my everything. And he'll forever be so."

The audience bursts into applauds, and even if it was just fifty people or so, the clapping was loud. Zayn flushes and mumbles thank you a few times, closing his book. He uncrosses his legs and stands up, his face growing redder when he hears Niall whistling, Harry and Louis shouting compliments, and Liam cheering him. He was sad his mum couldn't come, but she'd congratulated him through the phone for a good hour or so.

He doesn't even know how he could just sit in front of these people, who were watching his every move. Maybe he gained a little confidence, but the dizziness was still there. He could feel his hands trembling as his held the book, and his voice shook ever so often. But he didn't know if his hands were shaking because of his anxiety or because of what he was reading out.

After reading an excerpt from his new (bestselling) book, he signed few copies, and met fans. All of them were super chill, and mostly girls. Zayn didn't mind that. Fans were fans. What he was mostly scared about was about the fact that he was freaking out at the people surrounding him. Luckily, Louis noticed and told them to stand in a queue. Zayn grabbed his arm in a way of saying thank you. Louis gave a small smile and walked away.

Zayn swore Louis' arm was much slimmer than before.

Niall got his copy signed too (plus and eye roll) and he was jumping around and saying, "Look! That's my best friend right there! He signed my book!" Some people looked at him and laughed and some just glared at him.

This guy was super supportive of anyone he loved.

Zayn loved that about him, so did the boys.

Harry and Liam stood in a corner and watched Niall going from person to person, laughing and shaking their heads. Louis gave a wide smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.