“ This is all my fault!”
I was screaming while holding his bloody body in my arms.
“ Wake up Jay! Wake up!” shaking his body hoping to get a few words out.
So I know there is still hope. Sitting there in a dark-shadow alley with his body in my arms.
“JayJay please please wake up!!” crying and screaming “ this is all my fault”
I soon hear a noise I turn my head and I see a bright light. I open my eyes finding myself on the floor in my bedroom with tears running down my face.
My uncle woke me up from a nightmare that seems as if it was never going to end.
My aunt asking me if I was okay I couldn’t talk all they heard was me crying while saying “it was all my fault.”
They didn’t know what was going on nor what happened. They just told me it was a dream not to think too much of it.
But they didn’t understand how much pain I felt. What was going through my head.
With that thought on my mind I could have stayed home and not have went to school but for some reason something deep down told me to go.
As I was getting ready I kept wiping away my tears telling myself “It’ll get better Veronica don’t think too much of it.”
Once I got to school all my friends kept asking question after question I told each and every single person the same thing
“ I’m fine just didn’t get any sleep last night” although I wish that was the truth.
I didn’t know how to cope with this feeling and thought all day. I went through the day trying so hard not to break down. As much as I wanted to close my eyes shut …
I couldn’t each time I did ..
I saw the man down the alley with the gun in his hand. Me knowing I should have done something but didn’t I just stood there and watch it all happen..
for has long as my brother has been gone I wouldn’t want that thought on my mind.
1st period went by slow.
2nd period I talked to my friend.
3rd period I was in gym with my best friend and he himself didn’t know what to say.
4th period I couldn’t handle myself. It was the end of the day and I couldn’t hold back anymore.
I ran out of class and into the restroom where I had dropped down crying but I realized I had to be strong not just for myself but for my brother as well.
I Hate crying in front people. I don’t them to think all I wanted was attention when I didn’t.
I stood up whipped away my tears and walked back to class. My teacher asked me if I was okay I told him the same thing as the others.
“ I’m fine just didn’t get any sleep last night” he knew I was lying but he went on with the class.
Sitting there in last period felt as if it had been hours. The time was going by so slow as if it was a snail trying to cross the road.
It was killing me inside and out I had to leave that class already.
I remember I had sat in the corner, next to the computer in the back of the room where the window was at.
I tried to stay focus on the work I had other than that horrible dream. But it just wouldn’t leave my mind for any reason.
I looked out the window next to me and I started to see buses pull up. I looked at the time and the bell was just about to ring, I packed up my thing and left before the bell went off.
On my way to the bus, my best friend had stopped me he told me “ everything will get better just to be strong”
I just said okay and walked away. I had my head down because I didn’t want no one to see me and the fact that I had tears in my eyes.
I then hear something.. someone say “Vero” I froze. His voice echoed through my ears and into my head.
Jay..
There's no way...
Its him...
My brother..
I thought and turned around. Face to face we stood. I couldn’t believe it I thought I was dreaming all over again.
But I didn’t want to wake up this time. Seeing him stand there with an ipad and shirt in his hand, with a gray bandana on his shoulder, white muscle shirt, blue shorts, with black socks and shoes.
I couldn’t believe it. I felt so much happiness run through my body I couldn’t bear to move.
He asked me “ why are you crying sis” while giving me a hug.
I held him tight “I’m so sorry for everything” I said while trying so hard not to break down even more.
He smiled and looked at me “ sis there’s nothing to be sorry for I’m living my life you didn’t do anything”
“come home with me please.. I need you”
I knew he had seen the hurt in my eyes because he himself tried not to cry.
“ I can’t sis .. I’m sorry that place just isn’t for me anymore..
but just know I will always be here if you need anything”
I didn’t want that. I wanted him next to me like when we were little side by side we stood all the time.
He never left me not for any reason at all. But now I’m not understanding not one bit.
I felt lost as if I just woke up from a bad comma and didn’t know a single thing.
I gave him a confused look and said “okay.”
The buses were just about to leave he then says
“ I gotta go sis.. message me if you need anything I love you be careful “ and gives me a hug
“ I love you to brother be safe out there okay? “
I let go he looks at me and smiles while holding back his tears.
Getting onto the bus seeing him be someone he isn’t destroyed me because I had knew I had lost my little brother.
Not just him as person but that little boy that wanted to change the world into something so much better than what it is.
As the bus drove off I kept looking back till’ I couldn’t see him anymore.
I cried but the inside of me felt so thankful.
I could actually breathe, I felt blessed. I wish I could go back to that day after school so I can be with him a bit longer than the day I saw him.
I’m just a teenage girl that was to see her brother again. But no worries I know where ever he is at.. He’s doing just fine.
