My life has been hell ever since I moved to Texas. I just wanna go back to my little Chicago home. I miss things like going down to the city and not being worried about things I am like getting beat up everyday.
I faintly heard my alarm clock going off in the background. I went to bed last night at 2:00 am. It is now 6:00am. I have to get up, shower before my dad gets up, and make him breakfast all before 7. My bus comes at 7:01. Don't ask me why it's 7:01 and not just 7:00 but whatever. I got in the shower and 20 minutes later I was all ready. I went to get my iPod and headphones. I found it at a gas station but turned it in. After no one claimed it for a while the worker just gave it to me.
I listened to Demi's album and damn I'm in love. My favorite song is probably Really Don't Care because it's an upbeat song and I love Cher's solo.
After I was done making his food, I put the plate down and got my bag and left. I don't eat breakfast. I never had actually, I only ate lunch and dinner. Food makes me cringe. i haven't eaten in 2 days, and after I do, I purge. I also haven't self harmed in a day. 24 hours. I'm proud, but I know it won't last. No one cares to notice my bruises which are badly cover up by makeup, and no one notices how quiet I am or never eat. But I like it better than people noticing, I just want someone to care.
I walked slowly to the bus stop kicking little rocks. It was amusing when all you did was sit in a dark room doing nothing for hours.
When we got to school I immediately went to my locker then the bathroom on the top floor above the foyer. No one hardly went there. I didn't even notice it until a few weeks ago. I sat in there until it was time for me to go to first period. Biology The class is pretty cool, especially with our teacher she is amazing and funny. She also tells a lot of cool stories in the middle of class which I like.
I was the first to get to class so I took a seat and watched as the other kids flooded in.
When class started she got a serious look on her face. Weird, she is never serious. Usually shed be jumping around and hopping on the desk.
"Alright class, today we are going to have a little discussion. About bullying"
I immediately lowered in my seat hoping nobody noticed.
As if
the voices in my head called.
No not now. Please not now.
I started thinking about Demi and how she effected my life in a good way. I've heard the only way you can fight the demons is if your stronger than them.
Demi makes me strong, so why not try it.
I heard the voices in my head stop so I started listening to what Ms. Spence had to say.
"So I wanted you to know that this is a serious thing.
We want it to stop as soon as possible, but we know that won't happen. So instead of hearing it from us, we want you guys to hear it from someone who has been through it all. Depression, bullies, Eating disorders, you name it. This special quest I'm sure you will all like especially Ms. Taylor over here. She will be coming in a week from tomorrow so next Friday"
With that she ended her little speech and started the lesson today. Evolution.
~~~
After a few long hours of school it was finally over. I tried to hurry up out of my 8th period class to avoid getting beat up, but they always beat me to it.
"Hey where are you going fat ass?" asked the leader.
I tried ignoring her and begun to walk faster.
"Hey!" she yelled at me.
"Where the Fuck you going?" she asked then motioned to her little group to come over.
"Slut, get over here and don't make it worse" said the leader again. I don't even like thinking their names so I don't.
"STOP GODDAMN IT" She said again. Next thing I know is i'm running and she jumps on me bringing us both down. Then her little group comes running up and starts punching, kicking, slapping, and anything to hurt me. It hurt like a bitch of course, but I couldn't let them know they got what they wanted.
They started kicking me harder and in the ribs. I clenched me eyes shut and I heard multiple cracks coming from my bones.
Yep, definitely broken.
By the time they were done, I had a broken rib (I'm pretty sure), bruises, cuts, bloody nose,and probably something else but I don't care. All I want is to die right now.
But I need to stay strong.
Bull shit.
After they left, I sat there for 15 minutes before getting my blade in my shoe. I went slowly to the bushes by where I was and cut.
Cut for everything that's wrong in my life.
I cut for my family
no friends
being worthless
wanting to die
not having courage to stand up to my bullies
For being me
and most of all being alive.
I just want to die. No one would miss me.
No one cares about me, so why should I care if anyone would miss me. No one would and I am sure no one would miss me.
That's it.
I was going to plan my death. ASAP.
I looked at the new cuts on my wrist. Got to buy more bracelets. I have a lot of cuts. To the point where I don't see anymore skin on my wrist. Just cuts and blood.
By now it was getting dark, so I struggled to get up and limp home. A few cars honked at me but I ignored them and kept going.
My house was 20 minutes away by car so it took me extra long to get home.
I just wish someone would save me and be my rock.
Anyone.
~~~~
Hey guys it's me again.
So in order for me to update again, I wanna get at least 2 votes. It's not a lot but I want to know if people are going to read this or not.
