POTATO DILDO
It was the 1800 Somethings, in a village known as Potatoville, Ireland, and back in those days, there weren't such things as dildos. Brendon has difficultly jacking off at night, due to dildos being classified as a "wealthy treasure" he had to provide for himself. He walked out to the potato farm to see Ryan, another local, picking potatoes. He went towards Ryan.
"Hey, Ryan." Brendon kneels in the dirt next to Ryan, licking his lips of dehydration.
"Why hello, Brendon!" Ryan gasped in shock to feel a hand on his shoulder.
"Ryan, have you seen suspicious activity here recently?" Brendon eyed Ryan up and down, staring especially long 'down there' *winkwonk*
"Uhm... No I haven't." Ryan got up and scratched his neck. "I'm sorry, but I have affairs to attend to."
Ryan runs away, with big lumps in his pants. ( no, not THAT lump. It was fucking potatoes you idiot ). Brendon gets up, sighing in defeat. Something was up, and not just his di-...delicious potatoes. Brendon reaches down to pick a plump, j u i c y potato from the ground. He takes a large breath and shoves the entire thing down his throat, savoring the delicious tastes. He grabs 6 more, but than decides to grab a few more so he has 9.
He goes off with his nine potatoes back towards the cottage cheese. His d-delicious potato gets agitated, not being able to release his potato juices from the potato for a while. He starts carving and working away at the potatoes to make the perfect dildo.
Eventually, after hours of slaving over a hot potato, his masterpiece was complete. He decided to call that peasant named Ryan. He calls his bird, Pete Wentz to complete the call. "It's not a bad dick. Also, call Ryan."
"SQACKKKKK"
Ryan eventually arrived soon after.
"Brendon, why do you, a wealthy man, need me, a local potato peasant?" Ryan sits on the ground, playing with a potato peel he found.
"I need you to test my new potato invention, the potatacock."
END OF POTATO DILDO BY @catharsis_emotions ( me )
beautifullytwisted_ is a much better story writer than me, obviously.
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Ryden Crack One-Shots
HumorSo this for some reason revolves around potatoes, and Brendon and Ryan for some reason love them. So it's 1800 Somethingish and Brendon and Ryan are on the Potato Farm. They find a potato but it's MY POTATO. They both eat the potato together to beco...
