Your Neighbor, The Villain

Chapter 1 - Calamity VS. Captain Kind

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My hands shook, the palms sweaty as I finished picking the last lock, mumbling under my breath. The steel casing popped open with a click and a huge grin worked its way onto my face.

"Jim, keep 'em under watch," I called to the burly thug behind me, who nodded his buzz cut adorned head and kept the gun pointed at the helpless clients below. Two more guys prowled around the front desk, pistols trained at the bank clerk, who nervously wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. A sheen of sweat stood out on his knuckles and I winced.

"That's disgusting," I pointed out flatly. He turned to look at me, fear on his face. "Getting that much sweat on your hand. Yuck."

The clients, who were on the floor, looked up at me, their expressions unreadable. I waved to them and turned back towards the clerk.

"Well, if you really need something to mop up all those... bodily fluids, take this." A red handkerchief dangled from my fingers. He looked at me uncertainly, his brow furrowed.

"You want me... to take that." He asked, unsure.

I rolled my eyes. "Am I speaking Mandarin? Take it."

He hesitantly swiped the crimsom scrap of cloth from me and fanned his oily forehead with it, before setting it back down on the marble counter.

"Better?" I asked.

He looked at me again. Jesus, was there something in my teeth or what? What was with all this goddamned eye contact?

"Yes, it's better, thank you."

I clapped my hands together cheerfully. "Good! That's what I like to hear!" Suddenly I remembered what I was doing here, and lowered my tone quickly.

"I-I mean, I am Calamity! Count of Chaos, Demon of Discord! I---"

One of the clients giggled.

I whipped out my gun and pointed it in the direction of the crowd of hostages, snarling. They backed up and fell dead silent, eyes full of panic. I located the guy who had laughed, a lanky teen with a Nirvana shirt and a gray beanie on, who was peppered with both acne and scars.

I laughed dangerously, and pulled the trigger.

A neon yellow BB popped out, shooting forward with a loud bang. It got the kid straight in the side of the head and he doubled over in pain.

"Any one of you who dares laugh at Calamity will eat my fucking pellets!"

The clients erupted into chuckles, holding their hands over their mouths, the lines around their eyes crinkled. I threw my hands up in frustration.

"Come on guys," I argued, but the crowd continued laughing. These people were starting to get on my last nerve, and I wasn't going to let it be. I hoisted my gun to the sound of more laughter, before the loud crash of breaking glass made me jump.

"Captain Kind!" The clerk shrieked, pointing up at the figure standing in the window behind me.

"Oh, fuck me," I muttered, hands on my hips.

Captain Kind could suck my balls, for all I care. Kind, or Kevin, as I know him, is the biggest suckup in the superhero industry. Always showing up to defeat me, always stealing the girl, always returning the items to where they belonged on the shelf in Walmart instead of placing it in a random spot for the workers to clean. He was THE picture perfect good guy, and he always won.

I rolled my eyes as he waved diligently to the crowd below, before floating down in his yellow and red uniform to stand eye level with me. Or, more like my-eyes-to-his-shoulder level.

"Stupid jerk," I hissed, and he just smiled. God, that guy got me wired tighter than a computer.

"I'm in the middle of a fuckin' robbery."

"And I'm here to put a stop to this." He stated, earning him cheers from the dwindling crowd of people. A couple and their baby walked to the door and left, the dad rolling a stroller in front of him.

"Look, you're driving away our audience. Now no one can watch our epic crossover scene, and it's all your fault!" I cried.

Captain Kind turned to a lady that was tapping at her phone, little icons appearing on the small screen.

"Could you record this and put it on YouTube, please?" He asked her, and she nodded, getting the camera ready. "There, now everyone can see it."

I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on. "People aren't going to see it, they only watch the shit that's published in big channels. We would have to pay some big channel to sponsor us."

Kind grinned. "Well, you can pay them using the money from this heist... provided you defeat me."

I turned to face the lady who was recording. "Is it going?" I asked, and he nodded. I smoothed down my purple and blue outfit and sneered at Captain Kind.

"Oh, it's on, fudgepacker." I muttered.

Whipping out my BB guns, I lunged backward, slipping easily between the spaces created by the waiting tables. Wincing as my shoulder hit the floor, the rolled between two atms and shot a shower of BBs at Kind. The yellow balls zipped towards him as he zoomed out of the way, red cape trailing behind him. He narrowed his eyes at me and flew straight towards the nearest chair, picking it up and breaking a leg off. Hoisting it above his head, he rushed towards me and slammed it down on my shoulder. I sucked in air before shakily raising my gun and firing two rounds into the side of his head, and he cried out, ducking and spinning wildly in midair. Jumping to my feet, I raised one hand and yanked him down by his cape, bringing him to eye level with me. I snickered before pulling the trigger twice more into his arm.

"Suck my balls, man," I laughed evilly before putting the nose of the BB between his eyes.

"You wish," he hissed, before grabbing a fistful of my brown hair and slamming me into the wall.

I dizzily fell to the ground and the lady that was filming went, "Oh shiiiit!"

Kind kept his fist wrapped in my hair and smashed me into the floor again, before leaving me lying there, panting heavily.
The girl stopped recording and the crowd cheered loudly as my vision started to go black.
"I hate you, Kevin..." I murmured, before passing out.
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