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I had nearly passed out making these weapons the night before.
Coffee stains adorned the front of my hoodie as my hands shook from lack of sleep, honking echoing from outside the window as I hunched over a mess of tools. I had never invented this much in my life.
Late the night before, I was thinking as I spun tiredly in my swivel chair. Thinking about WHY. Why and who was I doing this for? Kevin? The same person that beat me senseless daily, the guy that stopped me from gaining a penny from the only day job I'd ever known? The... the person who thought I was into him before?
I had yet to make up my mind on who exactly was benefiting from this.
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"Well, nice of you to join the party, Calamity. Catch me if you can!"
I looked up just to see him fly away at top speed, ripping over the roofs of buildings like a jet. Cursing, I watched him start to disappear as I ran into the street. A glittering black Porsche was parked on the side of the road, the driver on the phone and spitting loudly. Rolling my eyes, I jumped over the hood of the car and aimed one of my guns at the driver's side window.
"Get out. Now." I hissed, and he nervously rushed out through the passenger's door. Hopping in, I gunned the gas and the screeching of tires followed me as I zoomed down the street.
I could vaguely see Rampage's form zipping through the air towards the skyscraper, its gleaming windows like a beacon in front of me. Jerking the wheel of the Porsche to the left, I veered around the corner, following the villain's flight path closely. I was starting to catch up, and I floored the gas as I got nearer to him.
In the blink of an eye, Rampage flew down towards the tower just as I pulled into the parking lot, bumping into a short line of other fancy looking cars. Adrenaline pumping, I leaped out of the dented open door and gasped.
A huge crowd of people were gathered in the lot, running frantically from the building. Screams echoed through the lot and I covered my face with my hands as the civilians rammed into me, pushing past and running to safety. I took a deal breath before sprinting through the crowd, brushing shoulders and legs with the group of panicked passerby. Finally, I burst out of the edge of the massive crowd and leaned over, panting on the asphalt.
"Tsk, tsk. Max, you never learn." Rampage smiled as he landed in front of me, his arms folded across his chest and his jet black hair falling over his face. I glared at him, hatred taking over my features.
"Just shut the hell up and fight me already, you piece of shit." I spat.
He chuckled and put his finger to my lips, shushing me. I slapped his hand away and watched as he flew a little higher into the air, facing the skyscraper with a smirk.
"Do you know what my plan here is, Max?" He asked. Not even bothering to let me respond, he continued. "I'm going to knock this STUPID HUNK OF METAL out of the sky. Poof. Months or even years of hard work and construction down the drain. Do you know why?"
I shook my head angrily, confused as to what he was talking about.
"Max. I used to OWN this building. THE ENTIRE THING. I was the CEO of this stupid company, and they had the audacity to kick me out just because of some stupid sex scandal. It was out best year in sales and they let me go just like that. No money. No money means no wife and no friends and NO LIFE. THEY RUINED ME!!" He yelled, shaking his fists at the top of the building. I slowly reached into my duffel bag, my fingers closing around cold steel. "THEY RUINED ME AND NOW I'M GOING TO RUIN THEM!"
"No Rampage, you WON'T!" I whipped out the grappling gun from my bag and tugged the trigger back, the clamp and rope flying out of the barrel with a loud thump. It latched on to the back of his arm, and he cried out as it retracted, pulling me up to his level.
I flew through the air and grabbed his collar, pulling back my fist and ramming it into his face, snapping it to the side. He roared and pushed me off, both of us plummeting to the ground. He whipped me around at the last second and I slammed back-first into the cement. Pain shot up my spine. I screamed and tried to roll away, but Rampage straddled me, pinning my body to the ground.
"Why are you trying to fight this?!" He laughed, wrapping one hand around my throat. I coughed painfully and gasped for air. "Are you seriously doing all of THIS for your little hero? What WOULD he say, if he was here now? Oh wait! That doesn't matter to you, because you don't love him back anyways! He's adored you for years, and all you do is mess with him. How does that make you feel, huh, CALAMITY? How does it make you feel?!"
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!"
I looked up, my vision blurry from lack of air, barely registering the bold figure that stood in front of us, bravery etched across his features.
Kevin.
My hero.
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YOU ARE READING
Your Neighbor, The Villain
HumorMax Codham is Calamity, the ruthlessly hilarious villain with the worst of luck and the coolest of BB guns. Kevin Weld is Captain Kind, the strong, humble superhero who always shows up to save the day, no matter how hard the job. They are sworn enem...