SCARS: Exposed & Interior

Stage #2 ~ Anger

Why is this happening to ME? What did I do to deserve this? I didn't do ANYTHING wrong!! Who THE FUCK is doing this!? WHY DO YOU HATE ME!!?? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!!?? WWWHHHYY!!!??? 😤😭😬

If you're like me, these were/are just some of the things going through your head. Everyone hates you. You did something wrong. They're all out to get you. They want you to fail. They take pleasure in your misery. NOBODY CARES. NOBODY LOVES YOU. YOU DON'T EVEN MATTER.

But that's wrong. Someone is out there, vying for your happiness and success. Someone loves you. And if you're thinking, 'Uh, no. I'm all alone. No one gives a shit. I'm a piece of crap, and I don't deserve anything good. I will die alone. My life is... pointless.'

I. AM. HERE.

I. LOVE. YOU.

I know you're upset. You just realized that you're life is falling to pieces. Not inly that, but they're falling so quickly, you can't seem to fit them together fast enough. You're crashing, cascading into a pit of catastrophic ruin. You're lost. You DON'T KNOW what to do. 

But...you need to be strong. You need to be brave. You can't them anyone know how broken you are. If you've ever seen 'Frozen', you may remember Elsa's shivering melody. If not, here's a snippet:

"Don't let them in,

Don't let them see

Be the good girl

You always have to be

Conceal, don't feel,

Don't let them know...."

That was my life. I hid my feelings. I shut everyone out and put on a big smile. UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL! YAY! SPARKLES! GLITTER! PINK BOWS AND SHINY DRESSES! BARBIES AND PONIES! HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!! 😁😄😆😊

Fake. Fucking fake.

Here's the thing: my family is SUPER emotional. My mom is melodramatic about everything, and my dad and stepmom are therapists. Literally. They have PhDs in psychology and juvenile development. 15+ years of work. No joke. And, if you'll remember, my father is Roman Catholic. If you don't already know, Roman Catholics are arguably the STRICTEST Catholics of them all. So, you may start to understand why my life isn't exactly "sunshine and roses". My mom and stepdad know, my the other side of the family? Well....

But that doesn't make me weak. It might even make me stronger. I have embraced myself and don't need any other type of approval. All I need is ME.

And that's what you need to really ponder over. Do you want to be loved as a fake, or hated as a reality? It's a tough decision. I waited over 2 months to tell my 2 best friends. Almost 5 to tell my parents (mom and stepdad). There's roughly 15 people that know. But think about that: the cast of Once Upon A Time has more main characters than that. I know, right? 

1. Emma Swan

2. Killian Jones

3. David Nolan

4. Prince Charming

5. Regina Mills

6. Henry Mills

7. Belle

8. Gideon

9. Rumplestiltskin

10. Zelena

11. Robin Hood

12. Peter Pan

13. Neal

14. Tinker Bell

15. Ruby