Everything Happens For a Reason.

Behind My Back

And so it turned out that all along. The one that was supposed to be in front leading me. Was actually behind me, stabbing me in the back. And so I realise , but just can't let her go.

I don't know. Maybe she realised that others were getting away with it, so why shouldn't she. Maybe, she realised she could hurt me, and I wouldn't have the heart to hurt her back.

She turned me against him, pretending at first that she had also turned her back. Yet after, always after. She will go to him, hug him, be all over him. Now maybe I'm being biased but now she doesn't love me, at least, not like she did before.

And, I know that I'm not the bestest ever person in the world. But nobodys perfect. And yes, I admit. Maybe, I have made way too many mistakes than other people. And maybe, I deserve most of the things that have come my way.But I'm not sure if I deserve this. Do I deserve my best friend to go behind my back, to go and try and break my heart? When it is already broken into so many pieces.

Am I really a laughing stock? Something that people find funny. Because I would really love to see how they would act, once in my shoes. And, I have said this to her, don't follow my path. Don't look at me in inspiration. Cause I'm nothing good, not a role model. I'm not exactly God.

For somebody to follow in my footsteps, especially my best friend. Would be more heartache for me. Seeing her, suffering the pain that I have. That would hurt me more. And, as I try and steer her away from what I know is there waiting to engulf her in what I had once and still am trapped in, like a tornado of anguish.

And as I sit there, watching her as she double crosses me. It kills me inside. Does she know what she is doing? Is this yet again, my fault? I love her. I love him. But yet again, at the end. There WILL be a choice. And I am starting to think that this time, I can't be as loyal as I'm expected to be.

Why chase forward, when there is somebody waiting for you behind? Never let anyone take that smile of your face. Because they aren't worth the pain. I have been there, I have done it. And, I would never wish what I have had on anyone else. Because they don't deserve it. And I'm starting to think.

Neither did I.