lost.

her

billy//

There is light in the universe.

That light is Elaine.

And now, Elaine, is underneath me, holding me close as I touch her, and there's nothing I'd rather do.

Suddenly, I'm back on that bridge, kissing her for the first time, under the moon and stars, and feeling like I was floating.

I'm floating again.

And she's warm. I slide my fingers down further and put a little pressure on her entrance as I continue the soft circles on her clit her my thumb.

"Can I?" I ask for permission, hoping but ready to stop if she wishes it.

She nods, breathes, and closes her eyes.

I close mine too, and focus on the moment. I push inside of her, and she's slick, and warm. I go slow, but eventually I'm knuckle deep and I can't continue rubbing her clit. I stimulate her with my free hand and do the "come here" motion inside of her.

She gasps, and I stop, and she grunts, and I continue.

All the while, I'm thinking to myself.

This is what it feels like to be connected to someone- spiritually and literally.

I continue, and I feel her tensing, her body is on the edge, she's on the edge, and then she lets out a soft moan, and everything escapes her. Her breath leaves as she deflates and relaxes, and I remove myself from her, panting.

She's laying there, breathing, and I'm hovering over her, breathing, and our breaths are in unison, and so are we.

I'm the first to break the silence.

"I like your voice."

She opens her eyes and looks confused, and then she's hit with the realization.

"I-I didn't want to be loud."

I smile. "When we're alone, and truly alone, I want to here your voice more."

"O-Okay."

I lean down and kiss her on the forehead.

"Is it weird that I feel close to you? We don't know each other well, but, it was something in the way we met. I remember you leaving, and thinking for a moment that meeting you was the best thing that was going to happen to me, and that everything from then on in my shitty life was just going to get shittier, and that our almost kiss in the nurse's office was me screwing up fate." I confess quickly.

I hide my face in the crook of Elaine's neck, my heart racing, anxious for her response.

"I thought you were going to be the most exciting thing to happen to me. I thought me running away was me rejecting an exciting life without me knowing."

I smile. "You came to the bridge because you thought it was a second chance, huh?"

"Yeah."

I crawl off of her and go to her bathroom to wash my hands. While I'm drying them, Elaine puts on her clothes and hands me mine when I come back.

"Thanks." I smile, kissing her on the cheek.

"You were a lot tougher yesterday. What happened to Ms. I Cuss A Lot Especially In Spanish?" Elaine jokes.

I playfully punch her shoulder. "Oh shut up, that totally turned you on. And me being all soft with you also turns you on, so stop trying to act like it doesn't," I tease back, sticking my tongue out at her.

"You got me there," she laughs.

---------

As we get ready for bed, I pull out my Nokia phone.

"What's with the ancient phone?" Elaine jokes.

"I use it to text my mom. She never replies, and I don't think she ever even gets the texts, but," I explain, my voice catching a little, "it feels like I'm doing something."

Elaine's mouth forms an 'o'. I shrug it off and write my text, and then get comfortable under the sheets and close to Elaine.

"Goodnight."

"Imm sorry about asking about the pho-"

"It's okay, don't worry about it."

And so we lay there, spooning, and I can feel her heartbeat.

And she lulls me too sleep.

---------

From: 719-279-3718
To: 404-573-3729
Message:
Hey mom. You probably don't want to hear this, but I got laid today. Don't worry, it wasn't a one night stand. I think. Anyway, I really like this girl. She means something to me, and I admit I haven't know her for long, but still. Sleep well, wherever you are.
Sent: 11:38 p.m.

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