As I lay in my bed at 4:09am, listening to 1-800-273-8255 by Logic, a thought crosses my mind. I disappeared. I left these two letters as my last published pieces with no explanation almost two years ago. I apologize.
I notice they've gotten more views than I had anticipated. Also, many messages asking if I'm still alive. At the time I last wrote, I was in a dark place and I wanted it all to stop. I wasn't sure how everything just continued to get worse and worse. I refused to seek professional help for years. I was harming myself. I was in a relationship with someone I thought I'd spend my life with. I wasn't exactly on good terms with my friends and family. I was trapped in a prison of sadness.
Fast forward to 2017. I've been in and out of therapy. I struggled with self esteem issues which caused me to restrict food. The boy I was with for 3 years cheated on me for two months with a girl two years older than us. He used me for sex. And then I became self aware.
I am now happy, but I still have my fair share of bad days. I'm currently seeing a very nice boy. I'm going into my final year of high school and still debating what to do with my life. I came first place in the youth category at an art show. I just spent all of July studying art history in Italy. I got to hangout backstage with The Pick Brothers Band and go to their after party. I'm living.
After numerous years of struggling with my body and mind, I can finally say I'm doing well. I still deal with mental illness, but I'm no longer letting it corrupt me. I've taken control of my life and I'm directing myself on a happy path. I've learned that my past has shaped me into a brave warrior. And I am so proud.
I'm genuinely sorry for disappearing. I didn't mean to worry anyone. I just wanted to give you guys this update. I want you all to know even if life is absolute shit, sometimes for years, it'll turn around and you'll find positivity. There's beauty in the world, so start looking.
