Maze of Heart

First Part

Tik Tok Tik Tok . .

Tok Tok Tok . . .

Just what i've expected.

"Seriously, Nessa? Are you going to stay there until you die? We're seriously worried about you"

I didn't answer.

"Nessa? Answer me please or else i will ask Mang Echo to open this door, NICELY"

I think she really don't want to give up on me. Nah.

Tok Tok Tok

"I'll count to 5, nandito na si Mang Echo, Nessa"

Okay. Fine. I opened the door.

"WHAT DA?? Nessa? Anong nangyari sayo? Para kang nasabugan dyan, i can't even see your face anymore with your hair all over your. . . body?", i can see her looked at me from head to toe. Just what i've expected, ano pa bang bago? ever since the world begun ganyan na sila sa akin.I mean. All of 'em. Well, i'm definitely aware why but the hell i care. This is me. This is the way i want me to be, a nerdlike slash a girl who don't know about the word FASHION and STYLE.

Pumasok sya sa kwarto ko and i can see her horrid face upon seeing my all messed up room. Papers everywhere.

"Look, Nessa. We understand if you really don't want to go to that party but please wag mo namang torturin yang sarili mo. You know what i mean. At bakasyon naman, you don't have to study these inappropriate lessons or whatever things you're studying", she is trying to fix those papers na nagkalat sa paligid ng kwarto ko.

I slumped on my bed and still i can see her horrid face everytime she looks at me. and seriously, what's wrong about it anyway? Hindi naman siguro kasalanang pag-aralan ang mga bagay na hindi alam ng iba diba. Did God even mentioned it on His commandments?

"Nessa, can you please talk to me? What's wrong?" she sit beside me. Okay. I think I owe her an "APPROPRIATE" explanation or reason, i guess.

"Ate, look. This is me", Ok? That's it? Well that's all I can say this time.

I stepped out of the bed and walk towards the door to open it for her. I know that's kinda hard to treat her like that pero talagang ayaw ko lang na tinatanong nila ako about sa sarili ko, kung bakit ako ganito. Well in fact I can't really see anything wrong about me. I believed that it's your choice to become what you are today. You build your own future. Nothing's wrong for being just yourself as long as you're not hurting others and that's exactly what i'm trying to show them and they can't even see it. For Pete's sake, I'm used to it.

She went out of my room with a worried face and I'm really used to it. All those treatment. Honestly, at my age i feel like i'm still having an identity confusion because of how they treat me and maybe because I didn't grow up with my parents, they died when I'm still a toddler and my Ate was 10 years old that time. Buti nalang we have our godparents who took care of us until now. Siguro ako nalang kasi my Ate got married two years ago and me? I'm still in college taking up BS Psychology.

After a long moment of realization, i composed myself and went to the bathroom. I faced the mirror, you know what's funny? Every time i look in the mirror i find myself SHOCKED. Haha. But what's new by the way? Gusto kong matawa ng malakas pero hindi ko magawa siguro dahil sanay na ako sa itsura ko. I mean, sa pagkakatitig ko sa itsura ko I have an ordinary face of an average girl with some sort of additional "things", like my BIG glasses, braces, a side bangs and some side decorations.

For the information of the body, i don't know exactly what beauty products do. Lagi akong pinapadalhan ni ate ng kung ano-anong mga products from US at dahil hindi ko alam ang gamit nila and ayoko talagang malaman pinapamigay ko lang sa mga kasambahay.

Tomorrow is the start of my hidden classes.