It's all a mess. Thinking hurts. It seems as if a thin layer of daze is spread over me which is keeping me away from everything; it is making me aloof. Certain parts of my memory seem to have been completely gone. I can't even recall the existence of some events. There is a constant throbbing pain in the back of my head. Like someone is hitting my head with a hammer in a rhythmic manner. I can't speak. It's like there is a thunderstorm of words raging in my mind and my mouth is unable to rescue even a single word. So I keep quiet. Through this foggy lanes and crowded houses, one letter reaches its destination. The letter informing myself of my pain. But it's bland words don't do justice. In fact Words can't do justice to pain. It is simply felt. Perhaps that's why I am in so much pain. I feel everything. Every harsh blow of wind on my skin, every particles of dirt impaling in my feet, every ounce of weight put upon my shoulder and every trace of carbon suffocating my lungs; I feel it all. I can hear millions of voices mummering my ears and it is slowly leading me to madness. I have started fearing sounds and craving silence. I might say that I have justification for my insanity. That I have reasons, millions of reasons to explain my sad behaviour. But in the end I would know am lying to myself. I have taken a grain and blown it up to the size of mountains. I have made everything up. This all had stopped at the start of I wanted to. But I took pleasure in suffering. I enjoyed pain. I still do. I made a puzzle for myself to get lost in. Complaining now is pointless. I have to live with it.
- Payal Joshi. Wordswillsetmefree.
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Defeating Alexithymia
RandomWhen in pain I search for a soul, Who has endured or understands. I beg for words to flow like tears, When in pain I hold a pen... - Payal Joshi. Wordswillsetmefree.
