Defeating Alexithymia

Is this all in my head?

"They hate me", I say to her," they all hate me". She laughs.
Inching closer she utters,"and what made you think that? Did they say it to your face? Did they snarl and sneer talking about how detesting you are?"
"No, they don't say it on my face. But in my absence they say things about me", I whisper, "bad things".
"You have never seen it with your eyes, and yet you believe. I must say, what a naive fool you are", she states with a hint of anger.
I am angry too. "You don't believe me", I say, "you think I am making this up? Why would I do this? Why would I cause myself misery? Its true. They don't like me. All of them. I see them. How they look at me with eyes full of disgust. How they think I am stupid. They try to avoid me. I've seen them meeting each other and not inviting me. I know how in my absence, they laugh and gossip about things I've messed up. With eyes as sharp as an eagle, they measure my every move, my every word. And that leaves me with fear. I try, with all I have, to acquire their acceptance. I think a thousand times, before uttering a single word. I measure my every gesture. I change myself. I wear their skin, so that I can look like them, and get approval from these people. I try, I try so damm hard. But the people, they still hate me. Where do I go to render my broken faith?"
"If you say they hate you even if you try hard, then why bother?, she asks, "Why demand their acceptance?"
"Because men can never survive alone, however strong he may be. He will crave society, friends, interaction, and respect. Haven't you heard? Humans are social animals", I speak.
"Well shouldn't you be out then, trying to prove yourself, and not talking to your own reflection?" She says.
She must me right I think. I stand up and leave the room. But before closing the door I hear her whisper, "It's all in her head".
It's all in my head she says, is it?
- Payal Joshi. Wordswillsetmefree.