I actually copy and pasted a few of the text from the conversation with my friend about it in this
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So this is something I just talked about with one of my friends and I just felt I needed to say it more to myself than anyone so here it is I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to lose someone one day. I'm terrified I'm gonna be someone's last text before they commit. I'm terrified I'm not gonna be able to help.
I worry constantly about my friends and anyone I've talked to or that one person that's posted on Instagram that said they had bad day. Like I just don't want anyone to feel unloved or uncared for bc everytime some random person post something sad and I see it I comment how much I care and then I just continuously think about it and hope their ok like jesus I feel so much but it always feels like not enough.
I feel all of this all day everyday 24 fucking 7 and I must say it's scary, unless it's one of those rare moments I'm having a mental breakdown but you know what? I don't cry I just I barely do and sometimes I just want to cry but I can't bc I just want to feel that emotion and just bask in the pain bc jesus it's hard being that bright happy friend all the time that's there talking about problems when I'm scared to even talk about my own with anyone.
If I tell anyone how I really feel sometimes they'll probably get upset, mad, or they will feel like they're putting to much pressure on me by talking to me and letting me know about what wrong. It's just sometimes I don't know how to help. Even if I don't know how to help I'll most likely still try to help bc I'm scared that you won't have anyone to turn to and you'll feel like a burden but honestly I've never felt anyone was a burden on me when they where talking about fears/worries or whatever because jfc I care so fucking much like even when I read comments on Wattpad some people talk about suicide and I really think about that for days and fucking hope to ducking god they didn't.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I JUST WANT TO HELP BUT I don't know what to do anymore like I'm scared really fucking scared but I just really want you to be ok.
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i'll be fine later it's a bad night I guess...
